tick..tick..tick...
January 19
tick..tick..tick...
After this weekend, Ill be another year older.
I don’t mind the getting older part. What bothers me is that I will be a 32 year old woman and I haven’t even started a family yet. I’m still single (although in a relationship) and without children. When I look back at the last few years, I’m glad that I got all the partying and irresponsibility out of my system.
Up until I moved here to Austin, I probably went out once or twice a week, and the years before that it was party central living in downtown Denver. I remember looking at my life back then and really questioning why I wasn’t married and didn’t have kids yet, but I just wasn’t ready to settle down at that time and definitely wasn’t in a stable relationship to be able to do so. So up until recently I haven’t regretted anything about not starting a family- mostly because I’m happy that I moved on from the long term relationship I was in back then.
Regret is not a word I use often; in fact my motto is to live life without regret. I do not regret anything I have done in my life thus far, so maybe regret isn’t the correct term for this. Is it disappointment? I’m not sure yet. It is more of a sudden realization that I’m feeling like this, because at other points in my life when I would question myself I remember not feeling this bad about it.
It could be the fact that my little sister is getting married next month, or the fact that all my girlfriends from high school are already having their second child, or the fact that I’m constantly comparing myself to my mother’s life. I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s probably a good combination of all that.
I remember when my mother had her 32nd birthday. I was 8 by then. Good grief, I can not imagine having an 8 year old at this point in my life, but those were very different times back then. I often wish I had been born in a different era, my grandparent’s era of the fifties and sixties- things seemed so much simpler back then. You married young, you had kids soon after, you stayed together- it was the social norm. Nowadays, it’s so different that comparing the times is like mixing oil and water.
Again, comparing my life to my mothers, I feel extremely behind. If I were my mother at this point in my life I would have been married for 12 years already and have had two children- one 8 and one 5- and we would live in a nice 3 bedroom house. Man, have I got some catching up to do! I know, it isn’t rational to compare my life to moms, but I can’t help it.
It wasn’t until very recently, that I even knew if I wanted kids. I knew I liked the idea of having a family, but never had baby fever. It was after I moved into my place in September that I really started to notice, probably because every commercial with a baby in it made me cry. There is a Johnson & Johnson commercial- I know you have all seen it- the baby is being washed in the sink and the mother’s voice is saying something like “you always went for the tall dark handsome type, who would have thought the love of your life would be short and bald. Having a baby changes everything” ugh...is that the cutest baby you have ever seen? It gets me every time. You can see it on www.baby.com, I have it bookmarked so I can watch it over and over and over...
I Have MAJOR baby fever these days. I can feel my biological clock ticking finally. I never knew it was there! It really feels good though, because I was beginning to wonder if motherhood just wasn’t for me, it was because I didn’t feel this way. Now I can literally feel it inside of me, it’s a pulling, a wanting feeling. Of course I have to get married first, I have my list of priorities, and marriage is definitely first. Look at me pretending to be a grown up again!
I am lucky that the Lummox, already knows all of this, and is comfortable talking to me about it, or at least listening to me talk about it *wink* and hasn’t run away..........YET. And he doesnt give me false hope, because he wants it too.
He’s definitely a keeper.
I think I’m on the right track, heading into my 32nd year feeling like this, and feeling comfortable in myself enough to know that I am headed in the right direction with my life- FINALLY- and that feels really good. So, Ill blow out my candles, and make a wish, maybe even a couple of them, and I will let you know in a couple of years if they come true.
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni
tick..tick..tick...
After this weekend, Ill be another year older.
I don’t mind the getting older part. What bothers me is that I will be a 32 year old woman and I haven’t even started a family yet. I’m still single (although in a relationship) and without children. When I look back at the last few years, I’m glad that I got all the partying and irresponsibility out of my system.
Up until I moved here to Austin, I probably went out once or twice a week, and the years before that it was party central living in downtown Denver. I remember looking at my life back then and really questioning why I wasn’t married and didn’t have kids yet, but I just wasn’t ready to settle down at that time and definitely wasn’t in a stable relationship to be able to do so. So up until recently I haven’t regretted anything about not starting a family- mostly because I’m happy that I moved on from the long term relationship I was in back then.
Regret is not a word I use often; in fact my motto is to live life without regret. I do not regret anything I have done in my life thus far, so maybe regret isn’t the correct term for this. Is it disappointment? I’m not sure yet. It is more of a sudden realization that I’m feeling like this, because at other points in my life when I would question myself I remember not feeling this bad about it.
It could be the fact that my little sister is getting married next month, or the fact that all my girlfriends from high school are already having their second child, or the fact that I’m constantly comparing myself to my mother’s life. I can’t put my finger on it, but it’s probably a good combination of all that.
I remember when my mother had her 32nd birthday. I was 8 by then. Good grief, I can not imagine having an 8 year old at this point in my life, but those were very different times back then. I often wish I had been born in a different era, my grandparent’s era of the fifties and sixties- things seemed so much simpler back then. You married young, you had kids soon after, you stayed together- it was the social norm. Nowadays, it’s so different that comparing the times is like mixing oil and water.
Again, comparing my life to my mothers, I feel extremely behind. If I were my mother at this point in my life I would have been married for 12 years already and have had two children- one 8 and one 5- and we would live in a nice 3 bedroom house. Man, have I got some catching up to do! I know, it isn’t rational to compare my life to moms, but I can’t help it.
It wasn’t until very recently, that I even knew if I wanted kids. I knew I liked the idea of having a family, but never had baby fever. It was after I moved into my place in September that I really started to notice, probably because every commercial with a baby in it made me cry. There is a Johnson & Johnson commercial- I know you have all seen it- the baby is being washed in the sink and the mother’s voice is saying something like “you always went for the tall dark handsome type, who would have thought the love of your life would be short and bald. Having a baby changes everything” ugh...is that the cutest baby you have ever seen? It gets me every time. You can see it on www.baby.com, I have it bookmarked so I can watch it over and over and over...
I Have MAJOR baby fever these days. I can feel my biological clock ticking finally. I never knew it was there! It really feels good though, because I was beginning to wonder if motherhood just wasn’t for me, it was because I didn’t feel this way. Now I can literally feel it inside of me, it’s a pulling, a wanting feeling. Of course I have to get married first, I have my list of priorities, and marriage is definitely first. Look at me pretending to be a grown up again!
I am lucky that the Lummox, already knows all of this, and is comfortable talking to me about it, or at least listening to me talk about it *wink* and hasn’t run away..........YET. And he doesnt give me false hope, because he wants it too.
He’s definitely a keeper.
I think I’m on the right track, heading into my 32nd year feeling like this, and feeling comfortable in myself enough to know that I am headed in the right direction with my life- FINALLY- and that feels really good. So, Ill blow out my candles, and make a wish, maybe even a couple of them, and I will let you know in a couple of years if they come true.
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni
posted by Jenni at
7:25 PM
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