Cabin Fever

9/28/2006
Cabin Fever

I'm soooooo bored y'all
I have often thought about how nice it would be to not have to go to work every day. To be able to stay home all day and get stuff done around the house. Boy was I wrong. I am so friggin bored, Im tired of this house, and I am going batty! Unemployment is boring!

So far, no job still. I did go into what I thought was a fantastic interview on Monday morning. The job description was a mix of my last two jobs so I thought it would be perfect for me. I went in, I was confident in my interview answers and the whole thing lasted 45 minutes which - so far- has been the longest interview yet. I thought I was in! The woman I interviewed with told me she would know after Tuesday and give me a call. But what does that mean? If she knew Tuesday shouldnt she have called me on Tuesday either way? So far I havent heard back from her either way. I am one of those people that likes to know what I did wrong if I don't get the job. Its nice to know what I need to better about myself, but it also makes me feel like an idiot most times.

I guess I'm feeling a little bit overwhelmed these days. I thought for sure I'd have a job by now. Its almost been a month and I've really only had four or five interviews out of all the work I put into trying to find a job. Is it supposed to be this hard? Either I'm overqualified, I'm asking for too much money, or I'm not a fit for the position. What is wrong with me? Can someone give me some insight into the world of being unemployed and job hunting? I'm getting depressed because of all of this.

A big part of me is telling me to just pack up and move back to Denver. I mean whats the difference right? I can be unemployed in Austin or unemployed in Denver...eh...I guess Im putting too many options in front of my face and I need to stop that. Its just complicating things. I need to just concentrate on getting a job here and then plan the move back to Denver after the job thing works out. And then I start stressing about breaking my lease, because most likely I wont live here for that much longer- I hope I wont be here that long. But there again, I dont need to be worrying about that just yet. I just want to be closer to Rugby Dude.

Speaking of mister wonderful, I have gotten two more postcards from him since last I wrote; too cute. He is having the time of his life traveling around Italy, Slovenia, Slovakia, Hungary, Budapest, and now he is in Munich for Oktoberfest! I told my friend Nicole who lives near there to go Rugby Dude hunting at the festival! That would be too funny. Small world. We have been able to talk on the phone for little bits of time every couple of days or so. He blows my mind. No man I have ever been with would want to call me long distance while on a grand adventure as he is on, and he calls me all the time! It feels so fantastic to know that he is actually thinking of me while he is over there. I can't wait for him to come back to the states so we can continue our relationship and make it stronger. I really want this to work, he is the most amazing man I have ever been with.

I wrote him a letter the other night because I wanted him to know that I really am waiting for him and I do truly miss him. I have talked about this issue before in the blog but it is a big deal to me that I actually have strong feelings about him while he is away, that I miss him as much as I do. Because I don't miss people like I should because of the way I grew up. Here is a bit of what I wrote to him explaining why:

"...I grew up in a Navy family, and I learned how not to miss people while they were gone for long periods of time. I learned how to take care of myself, and be patient until my father got home from being on “cruise” for up to thirteen months at a time. Even my best friends growing up were all Navy kids like me, and I only saw them probably once or twice a year unless I had the extreme privilege of living in the same town as them. I am probably different than other girls you have dated because of this. I don’t know if I should be apologizing for it- or to be proud of it because it made me very independent. I guess you could say I have been conditioned in the way I act on my emotions when it comes to the people I love.
To some people it may come across as detached, or cold but I promise you, it is not meant to be that way. It is how I grew up; it is the way I learned how to act ...My sister and I have had this constant problem with the way we deal with distances and our relationships. It has been a really hard thing to explain to people. She and I have had many conversations about it, and we have never been able to put it into words so that anyone else could understand."

It is a hard thing to try and explain in words. Its not that I don't miss people the way I should, its that I'm more accustomed to being far away from the people I love. It is easier for me I guess, when it comes to long distances and relationships. But it doesnt mean that it isnt hard for me too- I just deal with it differently than most. I'm planning to go see him at the end of October in Florida before he moves to Denver. Man, I miss him.

I suppose I should get back to job hunting. But before that I'd like to share a silly little story that happened to me yesterday:
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Where is he?

Earlier this evening I was mowing my lawn. It was so nice outside and kids were riding their bikes on the sidewalks before dinner. I was sweaty and red faced and a little girl, probably seven or so came up to me on her bike as I was putting my mower away.

"You tired?" she asked
I laughed, "yeah, I'm all sweaty from mowing my lawn"
"where is your husband?"
I cracked up laughing "you know I ask myself that question all the time..." I said to her.
Without a beat she said "...cause if you have one, he should be mowing your lawn not sitting on his lazy ass watching TV" and she rode off with her little attitude and her I don't think so! tee shirt.

ha ha. Im still laughing about that.
-Jenni