an Apology to my Dog

9/23/2006
an Apology to my Dog

*disclaimer* no animals were harmed in the making of this entry

My dearest Cody,
I am so sorry for the way I have been acting these last few days since I lost my job. I am sure you are wondering why your schedule has been so messed up lately. I promise it will get back to normal soon. Just continue to be patient with me.

I know you like to get up early and have your breakfast and go out for a potty before 7am, but mommy doesn’t like getting out of bed in the mornings if she doesn’t have to. When I wake up for the first of many times, I will feed you and let you outside before I go back to bed. Just make sure to shut the sliding glass door when you are done because Ill be too lazy to wait for you. You’re a big boy, and I know I can count on you to take care of yourself while I sleep all day.

I’m sorry you have had to sleep on my piles of dirty clothes and beer cans in the bedroom because I have been too lethargic to do anything. You are used to having a nice clean soft carpet to sleep on next to my bed, I know. But I noticed you have made due and have created a little nest in my laundry to sleep in. I promise it won’t be like this for much longer.

I am sorry that I haven’t let you take me for a walk in such a long time. I just have no energy to walk outside, not to mention I would scare people. I am sorry I haven’t taken a shower in two days because I have nowhere to go. Maybe if we scheduled a walk for outside I would take a shower and put on makeup for a public presentation. But I will need to do laundry first.

I’m sorry you have had to take yourself to bed every night because I stay up way too late. I know you like to go to bed before 1am, so you just go ahead and go upstairs to your nest if I am too drunk on the couch to take you up to bed. I am sorry if I wake you up when I come to bed, I promise I can’t see you in the dark and never meant to step on your ear that one time. Plus I was a little tipsy.

I’m sorry I forgot to buy you food last week and that you had to eat leftovers and cornflakes instead. It was only for a day or so; I just didn’t have the energy to go shopping. Besides you liked the leftovers better than your normal food, even though I know it isn’t very healthy for you. But remember I got you a treat along with your normal food though so hopefully you will forget about the leftovers soon.

One day soon, our schedule will return to normal, god I hope it happens soon…and we can return to our normal lives. I promise I will try and get out of bed before 2 tomorrow, but I will get up and let you outside long before that. I will actually get dressed and not wear my pajamas all day and all night so that I can join you in the yard to play. I will get the laundry done and pick up the empty beer cans so that you can have a nice place to sleep next to my bed. I will take a shower and take you outside for a walk when it gets cooler outside so that we can both enjoy it.

You are the best dog ever. You never give me dirty looks or tell me that I smell bad, and you are the greatest listener ever. You are so patient with me, and hardly ever talk back. You are great at acting like you really missed me when I go out of the house for errands, even if it has only been for three minutes to check the mailbox. You never tell me I’m a bad mommy, and you love me in spite of my downfalls. Thank you for always being there for me, even when I’m a bit absent from your life. I love you.

- Your drunken unemployed depressed sloth of a mother who watches too much television