Stronger than Yesterday

10/4/2006

Stronger than Yesterday

It’s been an insane few days since I got that first email from Kitty. I haven’t changed clothes in three days, and I desperately need a shower. These pajamas probably need to be burned. I am up until 3am in front of the computer and then get up at noon to get right back where I was in front of the computer. I do take a break during Dr Phil to eat something, but I just can’t get myself to behave like a normal person.

It was almost painful for me to make myself clean my house today; my body is sore from sitting all day in one position. The house needed it, I think it’s been two weeks since I cleaned, washed dishes, or laundry. I even put all my laundry away instead of stacking it on my bed. I know it just sounds lazy but I don’t feel like I have been. I have been working hard to find a job; and working on my new club "Homegirl Investigations". So far its just me and Kitty :)

But then I find myself becoming lost in thought at times, drifting in and out of reality. I have been getting more and more emails from Kitty. All of them full of horrible stories and timelines of events that happened over four years ago. Our paths had crossed indirectly in the last four years that Dreamer and I were together (and with her). Four years. Not two months as I had originally suspected. Four years.

I was such a fool to think that I could remain friends with him. After reading what Kitty has been telling me, I feel like the life I thought I was living was all a lie. Four years? How did I not ever find out? Was I just so blind and caught up in his lies that I didn’t realize it? The man that she describes is completely foreign to me, but I know it was who he really was. He was real with her; his life with me was completely false.

I never want to hear from him ever again. I never want to speak to him ever again. I will not remain in contact with him EVER again. He is dead to me. I don’t even want to hear his name ever again. And if god forbid, I ever see him again, keep sharp objects away from me because I will go straight for the jugular. He is a horrible person who deserves nothing but horrible things to happen to him for what he has done.

Oh you can mark my words; he will get what is due to him. Karma is a bitch. I have complete and total faith in karma. I am not worried, one day soon he will get it. All I have to do is sit back and wait. You watch- karma will get him.

I went back and read my first entry ever from November of 2004 when I first discovered Kitty existed. Do you know it’s almost been two years that I have been stressing over finding answers? It feels so FREAKING great to finally know that I was right. After all of the times he denied ever cheating on me. I WAS RIGHT. After all the times I felt in my gut something was wrong. I WAS RIGHT. After all the times he lied to me and I didn’t believe him. I WAS RIGHT.

It’s finally over. I finally have the answers I deserved two years ago. And it feels fucking fantastic. -Me