Time Capsule 2002

Time Capsule 2002

I just love finding old memories
The Time Capsule has been opened…whhoooosh…. dust everywhere…
The year is 2002. I was working Denver with the Lummox at a flourishing company that shalt not be named. We had known each other only for a while, but were still in the getting to know you phase that wannabe friends sometimes go through. I was in a tumultuous relationship with the Dreamer and was extremely unhappy. I saw something in the Lummox that drew me to him; I wanted to suck his entire being into me. I needed it. I think that was when I really started to fall in love with him, but the Dreamer was still the only thing I could see. When I was with the Lummox, it was my escape from my own personal reality, and into a place where I longed to be. When I was alone, all I wanted to do was talk to him, get to know what made him tick.
When I hooked up my computer last night, I found a bunch of old emails between us. There were many music suggestions shared, as we discovered we both have a passion for music. There were personal questions asked, I noticed I tried way to hard to answer some of my own, because he intimidated me a little at first. I felt inadequate to his intelligence; I could remember feeling worried that he would think I was dumb. But there was this magic that was there, between us. It was like pure energy. It is still there. I feel it every time I think of him. Here are some of the memories I thought I’d put here, so the Lummox and I can reminisce.
An Email:
-----Original Message-----
> From: Jenni
> Sent: Wednesday, July 10, 2002 8:25 PM
> To: Lummox
> Subject: Re:
>
> I already love the lyrics...especially that part where it says: "its so
> quiet I can hear my thoughts touching every second I spent waiting for
you"
> that is so pretty. I can’t wait to hear it.

> ----- Original Message -----
> From: Lummox
> To: "Jenni
> Sent:
Wednesday, July 10, 2002 7:23 PM
>
>
> > You are going to love this song. The band is VNV Nation, the song is
> Beloved
> >
> >You can read the lyrics to Beloved here

Almost prophetic don’t you think?
And in return I shared a song I really liked:

Sway- Bic Runga
You can read the lyrics here.
I loved that song- it reminds me of the lummox to this day.
Then, a question was asked:
Where do you see yourself in 10 years?
take heed; This is where I tried way to hard to answer…..
There are many ways to take this question:

where do you dream to be
what do you want to have accomplished
what do you wish for
all at this point in your life....

and they can all be answered differently....

I guess this is a bit much for just a question...I guess it evolved into a
lot more the more I thought about it. But I really want to get to know you.

If you were to ask me this question I would answer:

I dream to be: married, have kids, and be in love forever with the person I
married, and be happy with whatever Im doing

I want to have accomplished: happiness in my marriage, motherhood, the
closeness of a family that I have helped to create, total self confidence

I wish for: a family of my own, to settle down, in one place...to be
comfortable in every aspect of my life..and complete happiness in whatever I
am doing...and happiness for whoever is involved in my life at the time.

at this point in my life: I have not found any of this yet...maybe some
little glimmers of hope, I dont have any definite answers still, from anyone
or anything in my life right now.

I still have never talked about marriage or kids with (the dreamer), or at least Ive tried, but not got any response out of him...after 4 years of a
relationship...you'd think it would be clear...but nothing is. To this
point, it has been one sided...Im the only one who will talk about that kind
of future.

I’m having major deja-vu right now.....have I been living this moment over
and over again? Or is this just a reminder of the place I am meant to be in
my life? hmmmm

But I guess that is a totaly different question....deja-vu
and weve had that conversation before......deja vu? :)
Yes, Im having major Deja vu!
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The soundtrack to this time capsule shall be as follows:
1. Breathing-lifehouse
2. No Such thing-Jon Mayer
3. Amber-311
4. By the Way-Red Hot Chilli Peppers
5. The Sweetness-Jimmy Eat World
6. Complicated- Avril Levigne
7. Walking Away-Craig David
8. First Date- Blink 182
9. Too Bad- Nickleback
10. Blurry-Puddle of Mudd
11. Running Away-Hoobastank
12. Days Go By- Dirty Vegas
13. Video- Indea Arie
14. Peaceful World-John Mellencamp
15. How You Remind Me-Nickleback
16. Hella Good-No Doubt
17. Dope Nose-Weezer
18. In the Middle-Jimmy Eat World
19. Where are you going-Dave Matthews Band
20. Wasting my time-Default
21. Precious Illusions-Alanis Morisette
22. Things Ill Never Say-Avril Levigne
23. One last Breath-Creed
24. Goodbye-Michelle Branch
25. Ordinary Day-Vanessa Carlton
26. Out of my Heart-BB Mak
27. Heaven-DJ Sammy
28. One Day in Your Life-Anastacia
29. Love at First Sight-Kylie Minogue
30. Movies-Alien Ant Farm
31. Steve McQueen-Sheryl Crow
32. She Hates Me-Puddle of Mudd
33. Underneath it All-No Doubt
34. Zephyr Song-RedHot Chilli Peppers
35. Losing grip-Avril Levigne
36. Full Moon-Brandi
37. Favorite Game-Cardigans
38. Starry Eyed Surprise-Paul Oakenfold
39. A New Day Has Come-Celine Dion
40. I see right through to you-DJ Encore
41. Let me Down-Chris Isaak
42. A Thousand Miles-Vanessa Carlton
43. Everything-Michelle Branch
44. 7 Days-Craig David
45. Cant Get You Out Of My Head-Kylie Minogue
46. Rest of My Life-Nina Gordon
47. Island in the Sun-Weezer
48. Get this Party Started-Pink
49. Wrong Impression-Natalie Imbruglia
50. Soak Up the Sun-Sheryl Crow
51. Hands Clean-Alanis Morisette
52. Start the Commotion-Wiseguys
53. Standing Still-Jewel
54. Rapture-Lio
55. Answer the Phone-Sugar Ray
56. Whenever Wherever-Shakira
57. Fill Me In-Craig David
58. Sway-Bic Runga
59. Sweet Surrender-Sarah McLaghlan
60. Life Goes On-The Sundays
61. The space Between-DMB
62. One Big Love
63. Posession- Sarah McLaghlan
64. Where the Story Ends- The Sundays
65. Somewhere over the Rainbow-Hawaiian
66. Sleeping Satelite-TasminArcher
67. Don’t Know Why-Norah Jones
68. Summertime-The Sundays
69. Crash-DMB
70. Have a Heart-Bonnie Raitt
71. Leaving on a Jet Plane
72. Wild Horses-The Sundays
73. My Angel-Lionel Richie
All of these songs remind me of that time in my life- some good memories, some bad...but still I love them all.
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And then there was the side of me that was stuck…stuck in a place in my life that I remember thinking was going to be my reality for the rest of my life. I found a poem I wrote about being in the relationship with the dreamer. It was originally titled black and white, and I remember naming it Opposites.
I lost myself somewhere,
there between what was
And what is meant to be.
And it has become clear
that my life is now diluted
with drops of you.
Somewhere in the mix
is what I used to be,
and what I wanted.
I just have to find
my way back to the surface
or Ill sink too far down
to know the difference.
My heart has become heavy
And it pulls me below.
But the memories of
how we used to be
seem to lighten the load.
But when my face is to the sunlight
your shadows pull me under.
And the strength that's left over
from the fight to reach above
is keeping me balanced here
with nowhere else to go.
I want to be with you,
and to drink you all in.
The poison between us
is what keeps me wanting more.
Ill always be floating here
Until the end of time.
And I know that I found myself
I was here all the time.
Pretty sad, what blinding love will make you believe eh? I’m so glad that I fought back up to the surface, because I found what I wanted, and the Lummox was there the whole time, waiting to be my safe place to fall. Safe in the arms of love, four years later. Amazing.
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni