Just shoot me
Just shoot me…June 26, 2005
Ok...I think I just witnessed a potential serial killer in waiting. Today was our "date". I went to lunch with him yesterday and it was fine, he acted normal. Like a normal person. I dont know what alien being invaded his body between yesterday and this afternoon, but he wasnt the guy I thought he was. Go grab a beverage, and go to the potty, this is gonna be a long one....
Firstly: he went to that birthday party last night after work and told me he would call me, get this, "before 1AM" WTF? Like I am going to just sit at home and wait for your phone call untill 1am? THEN he didnt call. I shouldnt have even answered the phone this morning when he called to plan our date today. But I did. Stupid girl! I will never learn. So he called and we chatted, he sounds like a normal person again on the phone (except he is one of those people who doesnt make any noise when he laughs so its odd on the phone when there is a silence and Im laughing.) So he tells me he will be over to get me in an hour. Fine, I jump into the shower and get ready.
I will admit he is very prompt. He showed up, dad is working int he garage and they chat for a minute. Im mortifyed. As we are walking away dad yells "so 11:00 right?" I giggle, and again Im mortifyed. We get into the car and he asks me where I want to go eat. OK what kind of a date is this? If I knew I was going to make all the friggin decisions I would have asked him on the date. So we pull into a bbq place and we eat. He gets a bread pudding for desert and suddenly starts giggling to himself and when I inquire, he says "that is what I am going to call you from now on... puddin'" and he snickers to himself as if it was the best joke he had ever heard. But it was like the laugh of a 12 year old boy who's voice hasnt changed yet...high pitched and squeaky! I smiled and jokingly said oh no please dont call me puddin' its too cheesy. And he giggled for a bit longer and then stopped. We get into the car after some more conversation that appeeared to be normal, and I ask him what time the movie starts. (We had decided this morning to see Bewitched and he got the show times) He said "I actually dont know, we are just going to wing it." Fine with me, I actually enjoy not going by a schedule.
We got to the mall, bought the tickets and had about 45 minutes to walk and talk before the movie started. We walked and at every shoe store window he made me stop and pick out the ones I liked the most. Then he tells me "I have a sort of, how should I say, fondness for womens shoes" And I guess I looked at him weird, because then he explained it wasnt for himself, he just liked buying shoes for women and looking at their feet in the shoes. OK can you say creepy? I am with a guy with a foot fetish! After about 5 or 6 shoe store critiques, it was time for the movie.
Anyone who knows me knows I hate being the center of attention. When we walked into the theater there was some strange promotion going on for Bewitched and there was a magician there. Not a magic show, a street performer, one of the annoying types who stalks you until you watch one of his tricks. Naturally I passed right by the magician, but D stopped and watched and appeared to enjoy it quite a lot. He reminded me of an autistic boy who had just been shown something sparkly. Then he started motioning for me to come over to him, did I mention there were news cameras there too filming all this? Oh yeah. There were cameras. D stood there like a complete idiot while the magician pulled coins from his ears and tissues from his nose, and all the while he was laughing that creepy open mouthed silent laugh, no noise...just a gasp of air at the end of it. I was pretty much done with the date at that point. I had to get him away from the magician, so when the magician asked D "what do you want to see next?" I butted in and grabbed the front of his shirt and said "well we paid to see Bewitched, thanks though!" and pulled the gaped mouth fool away to the concession stand. He was still in utter awe of the tricks he had witnessed and I was totaly disgusted but I kept telling myself to have fun with it, so I just let it go.
Sat in the theater for a while until the movie started and suddenly D turned into creepy stalker man. He sat there next to me and stared at me with this scary creepy grin, the kind where they just lock onto your eyes and dont blink. Hanibal Lechter came to mind, and I wanted to offer him some fava beans. At one point he actually sniffed my hair. He sat up, put his arm over the back of my chair, leaned in and i could hear a big whiff in my ear. HE SNIFFED MY HAIR! EEEEWWWW! I jerked away reeeally fast and said, "did you really just do that?" and he said yeah, and grinned and said "sorry am i pushing your buttons?" and I said "not totally but just back off a little ok?" and so THEN, the lights went off and I can still see him out of the side of my eyes, and he is still friggin staring at me with his creepy grin. He leaned in, and said "Im sorry I smelled your hair, I just want to touch you" and then he rubbed my cheeks with both of his hands. I took both of his hands and said loudly "look, the creepy factor is just about out of control here, so just dont touch me ok?" he laughed like I was joking! So we sat throught he rest of the movie, at one point he picked up my hand and kissed it, but placed it back where he found it, I was fine with that.
We were done, and left the theater, and he asked me if I liked bowling. I figured it couldnt hurt, maybe he was just trying too hard and he would loosen up. GET THIS. We drove into the parking lot, and he parks, he then reaches over and takes my sunglasses off and procedes to tell me why he doesnt like them on me. Then he reaches around the back of my head, and at this point I am thinking "is this fool thinking he is going to kiss me?" and he doesnt! He is playing with my hair! all the while staring into my eyes and grinning. CREEPY! So I again took his hands out of my hair and put them back onto his lap. He asks "why dont you want me touching you?" So I said "I barely know you, and I dont feel comfortable with your touching me like that yet" He actually looked like I had shot his dog. Then he asks "well what would make you feel like you know me better, what do you want to know about me?" I said, well you havent really told me anything about your past. Then I swear to god I thought he was going to start crying. He had a lump in his throat and kept swallowing air and starting to speak but couldnt, and when he finally did he said "I was married before and..." and at that point I said "this is obviously hard for you so we dont have to talk about it ok?" and he put one finger up and stopped me while he got it together. He told me he had met a girl 3 years ago, they were together for 4 weeks, and got married. The marriage lasted 6 months and then he divorced her. Later he would tell me a story that led me to beleive he didnt trust her anymore because she flirted with his best friend or something. Anyway, I told him it would be alright and that I was glad he told me and that we didnt have to talk about it anymore. Then he cheered up and we went inside.
We decided to play a few games of pool instead, and while we were waiting at the bar for our pool balls, the bartender comes up to me and asks me what I want to drink...D suddenly steps up infront of me, pushes me back and gets in the bartenders face and says "I will ask you for help when I am ready ok?" ok...what the hell was that about? Did he think he was flirting with me or something? I have no friggin idea so I took the balls and walked away. He bought us beer and we played. After a few minutes He suddenly turned back into the normal guy that I liked! we played and talked for about 2 and a half hours. Everything was great. He kept patting my behind, fine with me as long as there is no creepy grin attached to it. He made some jokes that had sexual undertones, fine. Then we decided we should go do something else.
Ok, so back up to when we got the beer, he gave them a credit card to keep a tab. When we went to go check out and pay our tab they ran it on the card without asking him first, and of course he wanted to pay in cash. I am standing there and literally I could feel the heat coming off of him as they handed him the credit card and the receipt. Veins were bulging from his neck and he huffed loudly. It was like slow motion, he immediately lost it. The pupils of his eyes were so big I thought he may pop a blood vessel soon. He looks at the poor kid who ran the card and yells "DID YOU RUN THIS ON MY CARD?" the kid says back "what" D yells again "I ASKED YOU A QUESTION, DID YOU RUN THIS ON MY CARD!" the kid nodds and I am looking up at him like, this is totaly unneccessary behavior, and it could be handled completely differently. He didnt look at me at all. He yells "DID I ASK YOU TO RUN THIS ON MY CREDIT CARD? DID I AUTHORIZE YOU TO USE MY CARD FOR THIS TRANSACTION?" I then say "they can cancel it off."..and before I could finish he looks at me and screams "IT WILL STILL SHOW UP ON MY CARD DOESNT ANYBODY GET IT" Ok so picture Bill Gates on steroids and on a really bad day, yelling at the top of his lungs at a pimply faced kid. I was witnessing D going postal. It was at this point that I needed to get away from this man, and soon. I backed away from him, like you would from a rattlesnake in your path, and I found a seat across the room. He yelled some more at managers and a couple more innocent bystanders until he got someone to actually shake their head up and down and agree with him that, yes it will still show up as a transaction on his card even though it will almost instantly be credited back to his card. Sheesh.
He walks over to me and sits and smiles. Doesnt say a word about it. Like that is completely normal for a person to behave that way in public. I sooooo wanted to get in my car and drive away, leaving him there, but I was trapped. I told him, "ok, I think its time for you to take me home for the night" and he actually says to me "my place or yours" I didnt smile. I said "I can call a cab if you dont want to take me home" he smiled and said "ok, sure lets go" Im feeling releived that I will be in the safety of my home soon and away from this potential serial killer. Come to think of it he does kind of look like Jeoffrey Dahmer.
Speaking of eating, on the way home, he suddenly made a u turn into a restaraunt parking lot. He turns to me after he parks and says "Im hungry, lets go get some desert" and gets out of the car. I dont know what I am supposed to do at this point. Do I sit and wait int he car? Do I call a cab? Or do I sit inside where there are lots of people and feel a little safer with witnesses? I chose the latter. We sat, he talked about his ex wife some more, had some pie. He seemed content. He also seems to think that we are going to have another date because he asked me if I wanted to go to 6 flags over Texas tomorrow. It is in San Antonio! Yeah right buddy! He struck up a conversation with our 17 year old waitress who still had braces, and who also was a Star Wars fan. They talked endlessly and shared nerdy little trivia questions. I was actually releived! Now he can go back and stalk her for all I care. Trekkies. Star Wars nerds! AGH! CREEPY!
Then, he asks me if I want to go to the lake and sit on a rock and talk. NO EFFING WAY BUDDY! I said flat out no, I want to go home. He laughed. He is still thinking all this is so funny. I had my hand in my purse on the trigger of my pepper spray. He then tells me that I am the first person he has dated since his marriage ended. No frigging wonder! He tried to walk me to my door even and I got out and ran in and yelled "thanks for everything!" As soon as I get inside the door and get it locked he calls me, he leaves me this message that says "I am so glad that we ARE DATING, can you call me back and tell me the best way to get to the lake?" I practically threw my phone on my scamper into the kitchen to guzzle a beer as fast as I could drink the memories away of this wasted day. For all I know he went back and picked up the waitress and has her chopped up remains in a plastic bag down by the lake.
Somebody just shoot me.
Ok...I think I just witnessed a potential serial killer in waiting. Today was our "date". I went to lunch with him yesterday and it was fine, he acted normal. Like a normal person. I dont know what alien being invaded his body between yesterday and this afternoon, but he wasnt the guy I thought he was. Go grab a beverage, and go to the potty, this is gonna be a long one....
Firstly: he went to that birthday party last night after work and told me he would call me, get this, "before 1AM" WTF? Like I am going to just sit at home and wait for your phone call untill 1am? THEN he didnt call. I shouldnt have even answered the phone this morning when he called to plan our date today. But I did. Stupid girl! I will never learn. So he called and we chatted, he sounds like a normal person again on the phone (except he is one of those people who doesnt make any noise when he laughs so its odd on the phone when there is a silence and Im laughing.) So he tells me he will be over to get me in an hour. Fine, I jump into the shower and get ready.
I will admit he is very prompt. He showed up, dad is working int he garage and they chat for a minute. Im mortifyed. As we are walking away dad yells "so 11:00 right?" I giggle, and again Im mortifyed. We get into the car and he asks me where I want to go eat. OK what kind of a date is this? If I knew I was going to make all the friggin decisions I would have asked him on the date. So we pull into a bbq place and we eat. He gets a bread pudding for desert and suddenly starts giggling to himself and when I inquire, he says "that is what I am going to call you from now on... puddin'" and he snickers to himself as if it was the best joke he had ever heard. But it was like the laugh of a 12 year old boy who's voice hasnt changed yet...high pitched and squeaky! I smiled and jokingly said oh no please dont call me puddin' its too cheesy. And he giggled for a bit longer and then stopped. We get into the car after some more conversation that appeeared to be normal, and I ask him what time the movie starts. (We had decided this morning to see Bewitched and he got the show times) He said "I actually dont know, we are just going to wing it." Fine with me, I actually enjoy not going by a schedule.
We got to the mall, bought the tickets and had about 45 minutes to walk and talk before the movie started. We walked and at every shoe store window he made me stop and pick out the ones I liked the most. Then he tells me "I have a sort of, how should I say, fondness for womens shoes" And I guess I looked at him weird, because then he explained it wasnt for himself, he just liked buying shoes for women and looking at their feet in the shoes. OK can you say creepy? I am with a guy with a foot fetish! After about 5 or 6 shoe store critiques, it was time for the movie.
Anyone who knows me knows I hate being the center of attention. When we walked into the theater there was some strange promotion going on for Bewitched and there was a magician there. Not a magic show, a street performer, one of the annoying types who stalks you until you watch one of his tricks. Naturally I passed right by the magician, but D stopped and watched and appeared to enjoy it quite a lot. He reminded me of an autistic boy who had just been shown something sparkly. Then he started motioning for me to come over to him, did I mention there were news cameras there too filming all this? Oh yeah. There were cameras. D stood there like a complete idiot while the magician pulled coins from his ears and tissues from his nose, and all the while he was laughing that creepy open mouthed silent laugh, no noise...just a gasp of air at the end of it. I was pretty much done with the date at that point. I had to get him away from the magician, so when the magician asked D "what do you want to see next?" I butted in and grabbed the front of his shirt and said "well we paid to see Bewitched, thanks though!" and pulled the gaped mouth fool away to the concession stand. He was still in utter awe of the tricks he had witnessed and I was totaly disgusted but I kept telling myself to have fun with it, so I just let it go.
Sat in the theater for a while until the movie started and suddenly D turned into creepy stalker man. He sat there next to me and stared at me with this scary creepy grin, the kind where they just lock onto your eyes and dont blink. Hanibal Lechter came to mind, and I wanted to offer him some fava beans. At one point he actually sniffed my hair. He sat up, put his arm over the back of my chair, leaned in and i could hear a big whiff in my ear. HE SNIFFED MY HAIR! EEEEWWWW! I jerked away reeeally fast and said, "did you really just do that?" and he said yeah, and grinned and said "sorry am i pushing your buttons?" and I said "not totally but just back off a little ok?" and so THEN, the lights went off and I can still see him out of the side of my eyes, and he is still friggin staring at me with his creepy grin. He leaned in, and said "Im sorry I smelled your hair, I just want to touch you" and then he rubbed my cheeks with both of his hands. I took both of his hands and said loudly "look, the creepy factor is just about out of control here, so just dont touch me ok?" he laughed like I was joking! So we sat throught he rest of the movie, at one point he picked up my hand and kissed it, but placed it back where he found it, I was fine with that.
We were done, and left the theater, and he asked me if I liked bowling. I figured it couldnt hurt, maybe he was just trying too hard and he would loosen up. GET THIS. We drove into the parking lot, and he parks, he then reaches over and takes my sunglasses off and procedes to tell me why he doesnt like them on me. Then he reaches around the back of my head, and at this point I am thinking "is this fool thinking he is going to kiss me?" and he doesnt! He is playing with my hair! all the while staring into my eyes and grinning. CREEPY! So I again took his hands out of my hair and put them back onto his lap. He asks "why dont you want me touching you?" So I said "I barely know you, and I dont feel comfortable with your touching me like that yet" He actually looked like I had shot his dog. Then he asks "well what would make you feel like you know me better, what do you want to know about me?" I said, well you havent really told me anything about your past. Then I swear to god I thought he was going to start crying. He had a lump in his throat and kept swallowing air and starting to speak but couldnt, and when he finally did he said "I was married before and..." and at that point I said "this is obviously hard for you so we dont have to talk about it ok?" and he put one finger up and stopped me while he got it together. He told me he had met a girl 3 years ago, they were together for 4 weeks, and got married. The marriage lasted 6 months and then he divorced her. Later he would tell me a story that led me to beleive he didnt trust her anymore because she flirted with his best friend or something. Anyway, I told him it would be alright and that I was glad he told me and that we didnt have to talk about it anymore. Then he cheered up and we went inside.
We decided to play a few games of pool instead, and while we were waiting at the bar for our pool balls, the bartender comes up to me and asks me what I want to drink...D suddenly steps up infront of me, pushes me back and gets in the bartenders face and says "I will ask you for help when I am ready ok?" ok...what the hell was that about? Did he think he was flirting with me or something? I have no friggin idea so I took the balls and walked away. He bought us beer and we played. After a few minutes He suddenly turned back into the normal guy that I liked! we played and talked for about 2 and a half hours. Everything was great. He kept patting my behind, fine with me as long as there is no creepy grin attached to it. He made some jokes that had sexual undertones, fine. Then we decided we should go do something else.
Ok, so back up to when we got the beer, he gave them a credit card to keep a tab. When we went to go check out and pay our tab they ran it on the card without asking him first, and of course he wanted to pay in cash. I am standing there and literally I could feel the heat coming off of him as they handed him the credit card and the receipt. Veins were bulging from his neck and he huffed loudly. It was like slow motion, he immediately lost it. The pupils of his eyes were so big I thought he may pop a blood vessel soon. He looks at the poor kid who ran the card and yells "DID YOU RUN THIS ON MY CARD?" the kid says back "what" D yells again "I ASKED YOU A QUESTION, DID YOU RUN THIS ON MY CARD!" the kid nodds and I am looking up at him like, this is totaly unneccessary behavior, and it could be handled completely differently. He didnt look at me at all. He yells "DID I ASK YOU TO RUN THIS ON MY CREDIT CARD? DID I AUTHORIZE YOU TO USE MY CARD FOR THIS TRANSACTION?" I then say "they can cancel it off."..and before I could finish he looks at me and screams "IT WILL STILL SHOW UP ON MY CARD DOESNT ANYBODY GET IT" Ok so picture Bill Gates on steroids and on a really bad day, yelling at the top of his lungs at a pimply faced kid. I was witnessing D going postal. It was at this point that I needed to get away from this man, and soon. I backed away from him, like you would from a rattlesnake in your path, and I found a seat across the room. He yelled some more at managers and a couple more innocent bystanders until he got someone to actually shake their head up and down and agree with him that, yes it will still show up as a transaction on his card even though it will almost instantly be credited back to his card. Sheesh.
He walks over to me and sits and smiles. Doesnt say a word about it. Like that is completely normal for a person to behave that way in public. I sooooo wanted to get in my car and drive away, leaving him there, but I was trapped. I told him, "ok, I think its time for you to take me home for the night" and he actually says to me "my place or yours" I didnt smile. I said "I can call a cab if you dont want to take me home" he smiled and said "ok, sure lets go" Im feeling releived that I will be in the safety of my home soon and away from this potential serial killer. Come to think of it he does kind of look like Jeoffrey Dahmer.
Speaking of eating, on the way home, he suddenly made a u turn into a restaraunt parking lot. He turns to me after he parks and says "Im hungry, lets go get some desert" and gets out of the car. I dont know what I am supposed to do at this point. Do I sit and wait int he car? Do I call a cab? Or do I sit inside where there are lots of people and feel a little safer with witnesses? I chose the latter. We sat, he talked about his ex wife some more, had some pie. He seemed content. He also seems to think that we are going to have another date because he asked me if I wanted to go to 6 flags over Texas tomorrow. It is in San Antonio! Yeah right buddy! He struck up a conversation with our 17 year old waitress who still had braces, and who also was a Star Wars fan. They talked endlessly and shared nerdy little trivia questions. I was actually releived! Now he can go back and stalk her for all I care. Trekkies. Star Wars nerds! AGH! CREEPY!
Then, he asks me if I want to go to the lake and sit on a rock and talk. NO EFFING WAY BUDDY! I said flat out no, I want to go home. He laughed. He is still thinking all this is so funny. I had my hand in my purse on the trigger of my pepper spray. He then tells me that I am the first person he has dated since his marriage ended. No frigging wonder! He tried to walk me to my door even and I got out and ran in and yelled "thanks for everything!" As soon as I get inside the door and get it locked he calls me, he leaves me this message that says "I am so glad that we ARE DATING, can you call me back and tell me the best way to get to the lake?" I practically threw my phone on my scamper into the kitchen to guzzle a beer as fast as I could drink the memories away of this wasted day. For all I know he went back and picked up the waitress and has her chopped up remains in a plastic bag down by the lake.
Somebody just shoot me.
posted by Jenni at
6:39 PM
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