Friday, July 08, 2005


Restless…July 8, 2005

Whew...what a week! Im really looking foreward to the weekend. I didnt sleep again last night! But at least one thing put me a little bit more at ease: I got a text from the ex, so at least I know nothing happened to him. Whenever I have bad dreams about someone I get really worried until I hear from them. When I was thinking to myself if the ex would even respond to a text from me, I thought "well if he doesnt respond, thats just him". And that is true, sometimes he likes to drag you through things before he helps you out. I sent him the text, asking him if he was ok because i had bad dreams about him. He knows how important dreams are to me, and I can totaly see him reading the text from me and ignoring it just to get to me. If he hadnt have answered I would have known everything was ok. If he did answer I knew it would probably be with something along the lines of "ya, but..." Thats not exactically what I got this time though. This time I got "thats weird, so has my dad-guess im supposed to die soon" Thats not funny. But it is totaly him.

When I first met him he told me that everyone who knew him thought he probably wouldnt live past 21. Not because of an illness, or anything life threatening, but because he likes to push life to the edge. He likes to push EVERYTHING to the edge. Honestly, I really am surprised he lived past 25 after all the debauchery he put himself into, and all the automobile accidents he has been in. I really hope that he calms down soon, so at least the people who care the most about him can stop worrying all the time about how he is and if he is ok. I still think about him a lot, apparently, and I worry about him. One of these days he will call me, or send me a text message and I will feel better, again...but until then I guess Ill just have to live with this restless feeling under my skin. I just wish he understood the feeling, and would tone his carelessness down for the sake of those people who, like me, worry about him.

Until he is finished conquering the seven summits of the world in record time, until he successfully feeds the beast inside of him that yearns for the rush of adrenaline, until he sheds his nomadic skin, until he just stops moving at the speed of light, my heart will continue racing until I know he is safe.


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