Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Wednesday and the b*tch box

Wednesday and the b*tch box

I am a PMS Monster
Okay so this was something I thought was funny on Wednesday at work. The girl that works with me in the office, Steph and I were working to try and get caught up from work that has been piling up on us since before Thanksgiving. Personally, I can deal with these sorts of things normally. But that day, for some reason, I had the Rage. When I was younger, I used to get crazy PMS and this rage would build up inside me to the point that I could have probably killed anyone who did or said anything to trigger it. Over the years it has come and gone, but pretty much now it only rears its ugly head once in a blue moon. I used to have a little stuffed animal of the red monster from Bugs Bunny. Remember that one? The red hairy monster that lived in the castle and bugs bunny gives him a manicure? Yeah, that red hairy monster. Well I named my little stuffed animal the PMS monster, and when I was feeling full of rage, Id take him and put him out as a warning to people around me. He was the beware of Jenni sign. On Wednesday I really needed that PMS monster. I had the rage. I don’t know how to explain it. It is like an edge, an anxiety that has built up in me that is itching to get out in any way it can. It is not quite anger, but its somewhere between that and turbulence in my brain. It makes me feel like screaming madly at the top of my lungs and slamming doors all around me until people leave me the eff alone. Nothing in particular causes this to happen normally, other than a drop in hormones or whatever, but I cant ever put my finger on why it happens.
I guess Steph was feeling the same way that day, and I could hear her at her desk huffing and breathing curse words under her breath focused at her computer. When I noticed this, I told her that I felt like I had PMS or something and she agreed that was how she felt too. Yay, a bitch buddy. Suddenly instead of detesting the sound of her voice and cursing her existence in the office as I would have normally on days like that, she unexpectedly became a PMS partner in crime. Instead of keeping our frustrations under our breath we were both free to utter them loudly to whatever office supply pissed us off that moment. It got to a point where we became fixated on an empty box in our office. Every time she would get up, shed kick it across the room. If it got close to me I’d pick it up and throw it against the wall. It was so much fun! Boy did that make me feel better to just freely throw something without feeling bad about it. The violence we directed at that box continued like that for hours. It was great, it felt great and my rage was all aimed at the box instead of people or issues I had to deal with. A rage box, a bitch box, what a grand idea.
I’ve often wondered if the Lummox knows these things about me. I have a lot of little quirks that he may or may not know about, and I have told him some already that not many people know about me, and he’s accepted them. For example, I throw up almost every morning due to poor gag reflexes while brushing my teeth, and I am extremely bad at math. But then there are the really weird things like the rage, which I don’t bring up because it isn’t such a great thing to deal with when you are a boyfriend. Some of the men in my past haven’t really loved the fact that I am full of rage every once in a while, and some of them threw the rage right back at me when it was directed at them. I wonder how the Lummox will deal with these things about me. It has often gotten me into trouble, mainly because I don’t realize its happening when I’m in the moment. I take it out on people around me, and I only see that in hindsight. It’s a blinding rage I guess. I am hoping it was only because of the OrthoEvra patch I have been wearing for the last couple months throwing my hormones into a little tizzy. I hope it doesn’t come back every month like it used to. I can see it is not a good thing about me, and it is something I’m not proud of, but it happens sometimes. I may need to go find the PMS monster again. Anyone seen a little red hairy monster? Poor Lummox.
*you know something? I feel better now that I wrote something. Maybe it was the fact that I hadnt written that was making me feel bleh?*
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni


Post a Comment

Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]

<< Home