Bugged
April 17
Bugged
You never think about all the things that you will inherit when renting a house. Some people get leaky roofs, some are stuck with squeaky floors. I inherited ants...lots and lots of them; and they are everywhere.
I have associated these little red ants with bad luck since I was little. Mom took Sarah and I on a trip to Disneyland with a family friend and her two kids, and the trip was nothing but a series of unpleasant events. One of which was that our motel room was infested with ants, and instead of moving us to a better room the motel owners just handed us a bottle of bug spray and walked away. We tried to cheer each other up by singing dead ant, dead ant, deadant dedant, deadaaaaant..to the tune of the Pink Panther theme. I think we were so intoxicated by the fumes that we didn’t care after awhile.
Now flash forward two decades and I’m turning on the faucet in my tub, out come thousands of tiny red ants in the stream of water. Ack! All I could do was let them wash down the drain in disgust. I try to make coffee, they have infested my coffeemaker, great, just what I need; caffeinated ants. I open my pantry door and they are streaming in like a boot camp towards my jar of honey. I picture them in army gear, marching in unison, singing a little song sound off, one two, sound off, three four....my house is the enemy territory and they have attacked.
I wonder what goes on in their little bug brains? The queen has given her army their orders, and now they must seek and destroy the target, or at least carry it off in very small pieces. If the target is my house, I wonder when I will come home to find my furniture and television gone. They’ve already taken my coffeemaker, my honey, and my upstairs bathtub, and they try really hard to take my toothpaste, but they haven’t gotten far, but have gotten close to taking over my whole bathroom!
Aside from calling an exterminator I’ve tried everything. I started with the aforementioned bug spray but all that does is kill the ones you can see and leaves a horrible smell. I have successfully conquered bombing their camps in my back yard with pellets, but it is not recommended for use indoors. I am contemplating it lately though, since the five types of bait traps I’ve laid around like land mines don’t seem to work at all, I think they are using them as bunkers for safety.
I think I am slowly going insane from these little bastards. The other day I found myself pretending to be King Kong above a stream of them coming from my sugar jar, I walked my fingers over each one of them squishing them one at a time and laughing wickedly and humming Pink Panther theme. I think they are whispering in my ear while I sleep, with their tiny army ant propaganda, I wake up with the strangest urge to cover myself in sugar so they can carry me off in the night to use in the coffee they have been accumulating from my kitchen.
The one thing I have found that works 100%? I mean besides squishing them with your fingers? Toothpaste. It makes for great tooth brushing entertainment and it has worked every time, I have made sure and watched as they come marching up, take a piece of toothpaste and if they don’t get stuck in it first, they suddenly die on the spot.....fluoride poisoning. Bwwahahaaaaa I’m waging war! You can start calling me Sergeant Colgate.
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni
Bugged
You never think about all the things that you will inherit when renting a house. Some people get leaky roofs, some are stuck with squeaky floors. I inherited ants...lots and lots of them; and they are everywhere.
I have associated these little red ants with bad luck since I was little. Mom took Sarah and I on a trip to Disneyland with a family friend and her two kids, and the trip was nothing but a series of unpleasant events. One of which was that our motel room was infested with ants, and instead of moving us to a better room the motel owners just handed us a bottle of bug spray and walked away. We tried to cheer each other up by singing dead ant, dead ant, deadant dedant, deadaaaaant..to the tune of the Pink Panther theme. I think we were so intoxicated by the fumes that we didn’t care after awhile.
Now flash forward two decades and I’m turning on the faucet in my tub, out come thousands of tiny red ants in the stream of water. Ack! All I could do was let them wash down the drain in disgust. I try to make coffee, they have infested my coffeemaker, great, just what I need; caffeinated ants. I open my pantry door and they are streaming in like a boot camp towards my jar of honey. I picture them in army gear, marching in unison, singing a little song sound off, one two, sound off, three four....my house is the enemy territory and they have attacked.
I wonder what goes on in their little bug brains? The queen has given her army their orders, and now they must seek and destroy the target, or at least carry it off in very small pieces. If the target is my house, I wonder when I will come home to find my furniture and television gone. They’ve already taken my coffeemaker, my honey, and my upstairs bathtub, and they try really hard to take my toothpaste, but they haven’t gotten far, but have gotten close to taking over my whole bathroom!
Aside from calling an exterminator I’ve tried everything. I started with the aforementioned bug spray but all that does is kill the ones you can see and leaves a horrible smell. I have successfully conquered bombing their camps in my back yard with pellets, but it is not recommended for use indoors. I am contemplating it lately though, since the five types of bait traps I’ve laid around like land mines don’t seem to work at all, I think they are using them as bunkers for safety.
I think I am slowly going insane from these little bastards. The other day I found myself pretending to be King Kong above a stream of them coming from my sugar jar, I walked my fingers over each one of them squishing them one at a time and laughing wickedly and humming Pink Panther theme. I think they are whispering in my ear while I sleep, with their tiny army ant propaganda, I wake up with the strangest urge to cover myself in sugar so they can carry me off in the night to use in the coffee they have been accumulating from my kitchen.
The one thing I have found that works 100%? I mean besides squishing them with your fingers? Toothpaste. It makes for great tooth brushing entertainment and it has worked every time, I have made sure and watched as they come marching up, take a piece of toothpaste and if they don’t get stuck in it first, they suddenly die on the spot.....fluoride poisoning. Bwwahahaaaaa I’m waging war! You can start calling me Sergeant Colgate.
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni
posted by Jenni at
7:51 PM
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