Wednesday, May 31, 2006

They shoot single people don't they?

They shoot single people don't they?

I don’t blame them...whoever “they” are.

The two days after Lummox and I broke up seemed endless. And if you know me you know that if I have too much time to sit and think, you know I could probably be categorized as a crazy person. And actually I got out most of my misery in the first 24 hours of doing that stupid girl- waiting by the phone thing- driving myself crazy and creating my own drama in my head. By the end of the second day I had come to terms with my mortality. I would die single.

I sat down on Sunday morning and within three hours I had created my entire future existence. I went somewhere into a zone, in those three hours, and had my whole life planned out as a single girl, stuck in Texas forever. I thought, well, if I can’t make it work with Lummox it definitely won’t work with anyone else...I’m screwed. I began to plan out how I would have a child on my own, and how other women have done it in the past. Would I need to freeze my eggs soon? Where do you buy sperm? It all began to flash before my eyes. I was stuck in Texas forever, alone and pregnant. I figured it would get better when the baby was born, but how could I ever afford a baby? I would have to go back to school before anything else, and get a higher paying job. That could take years. Then I thought, I should probably move closer to my parents, wherever they end up because they would want to have a part in the baby’s life too. Gosh, my whole life changed so much just because I broke up with Lummox. Suddenly I became a single mother who would never marry? Where did my happy ending go?

To make it worse, Newsweek came out with their June 5, 2006 issue on MSN.

Inside, the article tells us that the new averages for a woman to marry are much more optimistic but they have the median set at age 25 for women to marry. So now, I’m dwelling over my odds of getting married at my age and after, and you take into account that I had my future husband right at my fingertips and I lost that at 32 years old? I was doomed.

Break up rule #1 don’t let yourself sit for too long, because the more time you have to think, the worse you will feel about your life. And so it was then that I decided shopping would be a great idea.

Half a paycheck and 48 hours later, Lummox and I had decided to get back together. Thank god. And suddenly my whole life flashed before my eyes, the good version of my life, the one that doesn’t include sperm donors, and I returned to normal...whatever normal is. I’m so glad too; the thought of being without a man for the rest of my life was starting to scare me. Not to mention being without Lummox. And that is not a life I would want to live.



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