Bugged

April 17
Bugged

You never think about all the things that you will inherit when renting a house. Some people get leaky roofs, some are stuck with squeaky floors. I inherited ants...lots and lots of them; and they are everywhere.

I have associated these little red ants with bad luck since I was little. Mom took Sarah and I on a trip to Disneyland with a family friend and her two kids, and the trip was nothing but a series of unpleasant events. One of which was that our motel room was infested with ants, and instead of moving us to a better room the motel owners just handed us a bottle of bug spray and walked away. We tried to cheer each other up by singing dead ant, dead ant, deadant dedant, deadaaaaant..to the tune of the Pink Panther theme. I think we were so intoxicated by the fumes that we didn’t care after awhile.

Now flash forward two decades and I’m turning on the faucet in my tub, out come thousands of tiny red ants in the stream of water. Ack! All I could do was let them wash down the drain in disgust. I try to make coffee, they have infested my coffeemaker, great, just what I need; caffeinated ants. I open my pantry door and they are streaming in like a boot camp towards my jar of honey. I picture them in army gear, marching in unison, singing a little song sound off, one two, sound off, three four....my house is the enemy territory and they have attacked.

I wonder what goes on in their little bug brains? The queen has given her army their orders, and now they must seek and destroy the target, or at least carry it off in very small pieces. If the target is my house, I wonder when I will come home to find my furniture and television gone. They’ve already taken my coffeemaker, my honey, and my upstairs bathtub, and they try really hard to take my toothpaste, but they haven’t gotten far, but have gotten close to taking over my whole bathroom!

Aside from calling an exterminator I’ve tried everything. I started with the aforementioned bug spray but all that does is kill the ones you can see and leaves a horrible smell. I have successfully conquered bombing their camps in my back yard with pellets, but it is not recommended for use indoors. I am contemplating it lately though, since the five types of bait traps I’ve laid around like land mines don’t seem to work at all, I think they are using them as bunkers for safety.

I think I am slowly going insane from these little bastards. The other day I found myself pretending to be King Kong above a stream of them coming from my sugar jar, I walked my fingers over each one of them squishing them one at a time and laughing wickedly and humming Pink Panther theme. I think they are whispering in my ear while I sleep, with their tiny army ant propaganda, I wake up with the strangest urge to cover myself in sugar so they can carry me off in the night to use in the coffee they have been accumulating from my kitchen.

The one thing I have found that works 100%? I mean besides squishing them with your fingers? Toothpaste. It makes for great tooth brushing entertainment and it has worked every time, I have made sure and watched as they come marching up, take a piece of toothpaste and if they don’t get stuck in it first, they suddenly die on the spot.....fluoride poisoning. Bwwahahaaaaa I’m waging war! You can start calling me Sergeant Colgate.
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

A Bunny Tail

April 14
A Bunny Tail

Easter reminds me of her

Mom says I’ve always been a bunny person. A couple weeks ago when I was helping her go through the old stuffed animals Sarah and I had accumulated throughout the years, I noticed there were a lot of bunny rabbits in the mix. I don’t remember liking bunnies so much growing up, but I guess I did.

I remember one of my favorite presents as a child was a rabbit puppet from my uncle John. He had it packed away in his suitcase one year, and made me keep it a secret that he had given it to me; I’m sure he did the same thing with Sarah because he is the greatest uncle ever. I still have that bunny; she sits next to pooh bear on my bed to this day.

When I first moved to Denver, my ex, the dreamer, and I had just moved into our first apartment. It was a couple months after the Easter holiday, and there were news stories about all the families who given their children rabbits on Easter morning, but had decided against it. People were taking them back to the pet stores in droves, and I couldn’t help but gush over the images they were showing.

I hadn’t found a job yet, since we had just moved in, and I was lonely since my ex was in school all day and already working. One day when I was out running errands I came home to a surprise. I opened the door and my ex was standing there with a little tiny bunny rabbit in his arms. She was so little and so precious as I held her to me. She had the cutest little cotton tail and she loved to sniff and tickle you with her whiskers. She was so soft it was like holding a cloud. I called her, simply, Bunny.

Over the years as she grew I moved her from the small cramped cage she lived in as a baby, to an elaborate multi level bunny condo, complete with a log cabin that she loved to hide in. I didn’t name her for a couple years, until mom came to visit me and playfully called her Hop along Cassidy one day while Bunny was roaming the carpet in my apartment. She became Cassidy from that day on. But she had a lot of nicknames too- Cass, Mama Cass, Cassie, piggy, etc. even though I still lovingly called her Bunny most of the time.

There are a lot of things I didn’t know about owning a rabbit as a pet. You can treat them like a house cat, letting them have free roam of the house if you wish, but they love to chew. What a lot of people don’t know about rabbits is that their front teeth are continuously growing, hence the need for constant chewing. The corners of my walls, the baseboards, and electrical wires in my house suffered greatly from her chewing, so I was constantly chasing her away from the corners of anything within her reach. Christmas tree lights never lasted more than a couple of days either.

Everyone has seen the movie Bambi right? Thumper is so adorable when he thumps and proclaims “I'm thumpin! That's why they call me Thumper!” When it is 3am and suddenly your bunny decides to start thumping on the floor of her cage, it is startling! Nothing adorable about your heart jumping out of your chest when you are deep in sleep. I used to watch her, she would get all balled up, on all fours and her ears would lie back...and then suddenly...THUMP! She would quickly tense up and smack her back feet on the floor like she was spring loaded. I still don’t know why bunnies thump; it is an interesting thing to witness though.

She loved to swim. I know this sounds funny, but really she did! I would have to give her baths a lot because her fur was so dense around her backside that she couldn’t get her head around her fat little body to clean herself. I’d run a warm shallow bath for her, and she would run and hide (her favorite place to hide was inside the box spring of my bed that she had secretly made a nest inside of, that was fun to clean up) I would finally round her up, and I knew she loved to swim, but she hated the bath part. She would grunt at me like a little piglet until I got her into the water. Once she was there, her legs would straighten out, her little tail would unfold and I would let her float there in the bath water. She was a great swimmer! You would never know that about rabbits unless you’ve seen it before, but it’s true. She loved it.

One day after a bath I wrapped her in a towel and carried her around for a bit while I did some cleaning in the kitchen. I put her little towel-wrapped body down on the carpet next to a plastic grocery bag and turned my back for a second. The next thing I knew she had wriggled out of the towel and had the shopping bag in her teeth, tugging at it and hopping around the bag with her ears perked straight up. I had never seen her so excited about something. She had a lot of toys, but she never reacted to any of them like the shopping bag.

She hopped around the apartment that day with the bag in tow like it was her blanky. She had her head held high, and it was as if she was prancing she was so proud of it. Soon her pace quickened and she learned that if she ran with the bag trailing behind her, it would catch the air and fly above her like a parachute. It became apparent that this bag was now her favorite toy. For the next few years, whenever she was out, she would immediately find her baggie and go running with it flying in the air behind her, around the apartment. It was the silliest and funniest thing I had ever seen. It made me so happy to see her like that.

As the years went on, Cassidy got older, and less and less sociable. She loved to be out on the balcony, in the leaves, and would chase you off if you tried to join her. She had her territory and loved to be alone. She didn’t like to be held anymore, although she still loved her nose and head scratched occasionally. She would still let me give her eskimo kisses too. Most days she would stay in the little nest she had built for herself inside her condo and just sleep the day away.

One day, I found her curled up in a little ball at the bottom of her cage. She was quite sick. I knew she was sick because she actually let me pick her up without grunting at me. I held her to my heart and she snuggled under my chin with her tickly little whiskers. I warmed a towel and wrapped her in it like a baby and cradled her in my arms as she slept. Bunny didn’t make it through the morning. The vet said she had a mass in her tummy that probably was a cancer; poor little bunny. I had her cremated with her favorite blanket from her nest. That was one of the hardest days I've had to get through.

I was heartbroken over her for a long long time. Even after all the trouble she was, the chewing, the piggy grunting, the thumping at 3am, the wireless christmas tree lights, and the burrowing into my box spring, she was still my favorite little pet. Although I wouldn’t recommend buying a rabbit for small children, and now I understand all those parents I saw so long ago on the news who took back their bunnies to the pet stores, I loved my Bunny and Im glad I didnt take her back. She was sweet, in her own special bunny-with-an-attitude way. And I know she loved me too. I miss her, my sweet little Easter bunny. She still makes me smile.

I got home from work today and found that the Easter Bunny had visited my house early this year! I had an Easter basket filled with chocolate eggs, and an Easter Lilly! Thank you Easter Bunny. Thank you also for the beautiful little soap dish, my great grandmother Winnie Lou Bush hand painted it in 1971, it is definitely a treasure.
Happy Easter!
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Epiphany

April 11
Epiphany

This is what its all about.
I don’t have moments of clarity a lot, but when I experience them they are usually life changing. I woke up this morning, not realizing that my thinking would be completely changed on my drive to work.
I have been living the last few years in the mindset that; my days will be based on the feeling I get with a beer in hand, on the couch relaxing after work, clouding my mind, self medicating, escaping reality. This morning I changed my mind.
After a text message to my biggest cheerleader – Lummox, I went to bed last night 100% alcohol free, and was able to get up on time without the side effects I normally wake up to. I could see the whites in my eyes, no blood shot red color like they usually are. I wore my hair down today- not in a ponytail like I have worn every day for the last year. I didn’t have to hide the dark circles from under my eyes, because there were none. It wasn’t until a few minutes later that I would realize all this.
On the drive to work, eating my waffle, drinking my coffee, listening to my favorite morning radio show; I was laughing. I don’t remember the last time I laughed out loud in my car...in the early morning no less! I felt great. It was then that it all hit me. This is what it's all about.
Why am I not living my life for this?
For this feeling right now...
This is what I should be basing my days on
Why did I not think of this before?
I decided I haven’t realized this before because I haven’t had one of these mornings in...I can’t remember the last time I felt like this, and that is truly sad. I should be feeling like this every day.
Instead I have been living my life completely on the other end of the spectrum, feel great at night, feel like hell all day. Normally I would wake up late, with sandpaper eyes and a headache, put my hair up in a ponytail, and trip over my flip flops as I ran out the door. My drive to work would not be joyful; in fact I would usually curse the day. I would get to work late, and shove some caffeine down my throat, normally in the form of a huge McDonald’s soda, so that I could get something else in my body to replace the alcohol thin blood that was creeping through my veins. At work I would groan the day away while listening through my headache and the whooshing of my heartbeat in my ears. I’d eat something greasy, most days in the form of fast food, and at the end of my work day I would finally start to feel better. The cycle would continue when I got home and popped open a beer, and plopped down on the couch.
No more.
I am living my life based on the way I feel all day long, from my alarm clock in the morning, until my head hits the pillow at night. One hundred percent sober. I will remember this feeling, each time I crave a beer, instead of the feeling of a temporary high. I will base my life on what is true, and not the false reality I get when I drink. I will be happy, healthy, and motivated. And best of all... I will laugh out loud every day.
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Mood swingin'

April 10
Mood swingin'


I don’t want my blog to become ALL workout all the time, but it seems like it has been lately. There really is more to my life than diet and working out...like sitting on the couch and watching movies! I will say that I am super excited about a trip I have planned for next week though.
I’m going to Denver to visit the Lummox! 9 days and counting. I am so excited!
I secretly planned it around my cycle, you know, cause I don’t want to have aunt flow hanging around while I’m there...that would be a bummer. Suffice it to say, this last week before my period has really been a bummer. What’s funny is that Lummox has decided to keep track of my ailments during this time. I don’t know how he is doing this, but in the back of my mind I am imagining charts and graphs and pie charts. I guess next month we will be able to compare and contrast, perhaps with a bar graph, maybe an excel spreadsheet, we haven’t decided yet. A PMS pie chart...hmmm, hopefully it will be chocolate. My imagination gets away from me sometimes sorry...mmm chocolate. I think he should start a PMS man blog.
I seriously think women should get an automatic week off during PMS. After all the weird symptoms I get, by the end of the day I am exhausted. It is quite a trip we go through isn’t it? Fluctuating emotions, bloated bodies, swollen breasticles, sore nipples, and the rage...the rage I think is what should qualify us for time off. Time-off by reason of temporary insanity would definitely save me from planning the demise of my co-workers once a month too. Death by fax machine is still my favorite scenario. “Disgruntled woman bludgeons co-workers with fax-machine, blames PMS- tonight at eleven
This morning I weighed myself, the last time I weighed myself was on Wednesday and I had lost a couple pounds. I have lost 5 pounds! Yay! It wasn’t for nothing...granted I was sick for three days and skipped my workouts, but I still stuck by the diet and didn’t cheat all weekend. Today I am going back to the beginning, and starting out in the easier workouts on the schedule. That 45 minute cardo party DVD was just too much for me to keep up with all of a sudden, I think. I am back on the horse and five pounds lighter. Yippee!
That in itself is motivation to go further with my attempt at losing weight. I know it won’t happen instantly but I guess I am impatient when it comes to these things. I want to be thin- now. If only I didn’t have to work for it...golly I am lazy.
Why can’t it be as easy as it was to put on these pounds? I eat a burger- instantly I gain a few pounds...it takes me two weeks to work it off, that sucks! But it is life, and I am happy to add- the only burger that has been on my plate recently is made of ground turkey and was breadless. Boy do I miss McDonalds!
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Reflections

April 08
Reflections

…she was looking kind of dumb
with her finger and her thumb
in the shape of an L
on her forehead…
I turned on my media player this morning and a great song started my day. It used to be my theme song. You know, the song that I would choose if I had a band following me around all the time? You would see me walking down the street with my head held high with a group of retro-Elvis looking fellows following behind me singing All Star so everyone would know that was my theme song- the soundtrack to my day. Or so it would seem.
I have always been the kind of person that has needed hand holding to get anything important in life completed. A theme song playing in my head helps, it motivates me to want to do it, but it doesn’t have enough force to lead me. I guess you could say I have a problem getting my motivation going in the right direction. I need cheerleaders. I need the constant voice in my ear telling me that I am doing the right thing. I need the push in the right direction, but I also need the hand holding to get me through it. I suppose I am co-dependant. I don’t like being like this, even though I don’t see it as an unhealthy thing either. But when I am left to my own thoughts I get lost.
It is so much easier to give advice than to actually live it. I can look at people with the same exact problems as I have and give the greatest suggestions! Why can’t I take my own guidance? If it is a will power issue than I would say that I have none. Most of my motivation is based on the way I see myself through other people’s eyes. A lot of it might not even be based on how others truly see me, and I just think that they do. This new endeavor with weight loss is one of those issues.
If I were left to my own mind, with no other outside influences my weight would not be an issue. I am really okay with how I am. I don’t think I am attractive to other people though, that is the thing I can’t get past. I can’t get past seeing myself through other peoples eyes because I have no real self-image. Where does my soul meet my body? I have the soul of an eternal teenager with the body of a very curvy woman. I need to just accept that. I feel like I’m getting all Dr. Phil on myself here.
As it is now, I am only working out for the outward appearance of who I am, and not for the inner person I know I am. I know that I will be healthier, and feel better about the body I see in the mirror, but will I still be so detached from my body when I am thin? Won’t I still be the same person inside looking at a body that others will view as unattractive? I will be in the same position as I am in now, no matter how much weight I have lost because it is all in my head- it isn’t about my body. I need to accept myself, and reunite my soul with the body that I have. Easier said than done.
Is it my soul I need to fix or my body?
Do I want to be happy the way I am?
Or do I want to be thin so I can be happy at the way other people see me?
The work out gods handed over my instant karma after I skipped my routine on Wednesday. I got sick. I haven’t worked out for three days now. Did I lose the motivation I had last week? I feel like I have. But looking back on my history, this is what I do. I give up. It is way too easy to say, I quit than to actually follow through right? My plan is to start again on Monday and go from there.
A second chance…again. Life is really just a series of second chances right? I know I have flaws, I’m not perfect but I know I am trying to do the best I can do. I feel like a loser. This isn’t me giving up, it is just me finally seeing myself in the mirror and coming to terms with what I see…
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Mid-week Meanderings

April 05
Mid-week Meanderings

I think my ADD is flaring up today or something
My brain is jumping around with too many thoughts today to tie them together into one topic...so here are the tangents of my thought process.
This morning, I can hardly move, let alone lift my arms above my head to do my hair. The fact that I have made it through almost a week of working out every day makes me feel great. I think I even saw my jaw line making an appearance while I was putting on my makeup, and I was surprised to look down and see my toes this morning in the shower! My tummy pooch has shrunk a bit! Yay! I can deal with the soreness, in return for the loss of my pooch and double chins. That is a fair trade.
Cody is not a fan of my work out routines. Normally if I am jumping around being a goof he will bark at me. So when I first started working out, he sat in front of me and barked until I got mad and put him outside. I’m sure he is thinking “what the heck is wrong with you? Why are you jumping around all over the place? Why are you kicking the air like that? Mommy, what is going on here? Hey listen to me!” The second day he was a little better, I think it makes him anxious that I am sweating and grunting and breathing hard or something. He is definitely not used to seeing me move around as much as I have been recently. Monday was toning and weights day so as soon as I had to lie down on the floor, below Cody’s level, he was right on top of me wanting to play along. I think I bonked him in the head with my weights a couple times before he got the hint I wasn’t down there to play with him. He is getting used to it though, he now lies on the couch or in the kitchen patiently and waits for me to finish. Good dog.
I think I lost a day somewhere. I woke up this morning thinking it was Tuesday. When I left for work, I wondered Why in the heck is my trash can out in the middle of the road? Its not trash day....wait, it is trash day! It is Wednesday! Where did Tuesday go? Who put out my trash? I know I didn't do it- so thank you to whoever put out my trash this morning...sorry it was so smelly Ive been eating more fish lately.
So American Idol fanatics, who do you think will be going home on the results show tonight? I think the bottom three will be Bucky, Paris, and Ace. I am not a fan of Ace, I think he has gotten through this far based on the votes of 15 year old girls who dream of his creepy stare. He reminds me of last seasons Constantine the way he stares into the camera as if he’s undressing me with his eyes. Ick! I hope Ace goes home, finally, at least sometime soon. I can’t stand getting the creeps every time he goes into that shrill falsetto voice he seems to incorporate into every song. Bucky has got to go. As much as I like him, he just doesn’t have a star presence. Paris did a horrible job last night with her rendition of How do I Live. I realize country music isn’t for everyone, but that was a horrible pick for her voice. Paris is normally a great singer though, so I think she will stay for at least a couple more rounds. I think it’s between Bucky and Ace tonight.
Who else is in love with Nick Lachey’s new single What’s Left of Me? What a great song! I am so totally on team Lachey. Jessica can take her little hooker butt back to Hazard County and choke on her Pizza Slut bites. Walk those cheating boots somewhere else- I for one, am tired of hearing about her, and if I see her on TV you can bet Ill be changing the channel. I am hoping Nick takes her for all she’s worth- she is a hooker. Go Team Lachey!
Okay, I am done...for now. My head hurts...
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Things to do instead of Drinking

April 03
Drunk Girl Interrupted

Things to do instead of Drinking
In my process of trying not to drink, I discovered that you can only clean your house and do laundry so many times in a day before you have nothing else to clean. So I tried to keep myself busy in the mean time. I came up with this handy dandy list;
Things to do instead of drinking:
(All of which I completed this weekend)
Workout
Go to bed early
Go shopping
Re upholster antique bench seat using only a king sized pillow case and a hot glue gun (yes you may call me MacGyver) see pic
Give yourself a pedicure
Decoupage and trim a hat box for your mother (see pic)
Plant tomatoes (see pic)
Paint and sand your Grammies old bird cage (see pic)
Transplant ivy from yard to a small pot for later use in bird cage
Give yourself a facial
Pluck your eyebrows
Take your dog for a walk
Sunday take the day off from working out (I could not move on Sunday morning I was so sore!)
Weigh yourself every hour and watch in astonishment how it fluctuates throughout the day
Set off all smoke alarms in attempt to try broiling a chicken breast
Successfully burn both the front and the back of your arm simultaneously in the oven (never let your jumpy dog sleep under the oven door)
Replace the air filters in your house
Watch ants scramble as you pour ant killer on their dirt pile
Kill weeds in yard
Watch 3 movies from netflix (Elizabethtown was great, In her Shoes is cute, and Proof is good)
Spend an hour trying to get spray paint from bird cage off your burned arm
Re-arrange linen closet
Overpay your taxes
Wash all dog toys
Wrestle last pair of “good” underwear from your dog because he has nothing else to play with
Replace vacuum hepa filter and vacuum for the third time in as many days
Read newest copy of Vanity Fair magazine front to back
Photograph spring flowers in your jungle of a back yard (see pics)
Play in the hose with your dog because its 90 degrees outside (ick)
Complete Nip Tuck season one dvd collection
Attempt broiling chicken once again
Alphabetize your spices (when you only have six, this goes very quickly)
Pre- cook dinners and freeze them for next week
Dishes, dishes, dishes.
Bed early
I was really proud of myself, after the fact. On Friday somehow I stopped at the gas station and bought a 12 pack of beer and took it home. I did my workout and made my dinner and showered. Later that night I grabbed a cold one out of the fridge and took one sip- and that is all. I put the can down and left it sitting there next to me but that was all I wanted- a sip. I did a little happy dance before bed, the first Friday in a long time that I have gone to bed sober.
I should start planning what to do next weekend, I’m almost out of ideas!
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni