Day twhew!

March 31
Day twhew!

I can’t believe I did it...

I actually made it all the way through a 45 minute cardio routine without stopping! I thought for sure I would be flat on the floor after the first ten minutes, but I was able to keep up! I will admit I was out of breath in the first half and it took some time to get the moves down but I did it! I would definitely recommend TurboJam to anyone who loves to dance and likes good music when they are working out. Normally in workouts the music just blows, but in TurboJam they have remixed actual songs we have all heard on the radio, and put a faster beat to them. At one point they had me doing tae bo punches and LL Cool J Mama said knock you out is playing- LOVE that! The moves are actually really fun and dance-like instead of the usual tired old workout moves. The music, though, was the best part of it; the music is what kept me moving. Lots of standing ab work, and at no point do they have you lying on the floor doing crunches. I am actually looking forward to doing the routine again today after work!
I thought for sure that I would be sore today, so sore that I wouldn’t be able to get out of bed. But I am not overly sore, but I can definitely feel that I worked muscles that haven’t been worked in a long time. Mostly I am sore in my core abdomen area and down my sides, which is perfect because that is the area I need the work in. After the routine I saw myself in the mirror and I was beet red in the face! I’m glad no one else was around, because I was sweating like a man. After I stopped moving I thought I was going to pass out, but I kept walking around for a while until that passed. Is it strange to get a massive headache after a workout? I had a steady ache in my forehead for about two hours afterwards. Maybe I was dehydrated before I even started? Who knows, today I am drinking a ton of water though.

(¯`v´¯)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Day One- Weight loss plan

March 30
Day One- Weight loss plan

Day one on the road to the new me!
This morning I got up 20 minutes early and actually had time to sit and have a cup of coffee and a whole grain waffle, and had time to kick around a ball with Cody! He also had more time outside this morning which I felt good about. Normally I’m rushing around like a crazy person in the morning, so breakfast is out of the question. Getting up 20 minutes early in the mornings adds more active time in my day to burn more calories too.
I was eating my waffle and watching Good Morning America this morning and they had some interesting facts about ‘thin people’. One of the facts was that 80% of people who keep the weight off eat breakfast in the mornings. That made me feel like I was off to a great start. You can read the other facts by clicking HERE, they are really interesting and make a lot of sense. I am going to incorporate them into my new schedule.
Today I plan on eating five small meals instead of three bigger ones, and I took a multivitamin. I pre-made my lunch and two snacks last night based on the meal plans given to me in the TurboJam pack I got in the mail. Normally I don’t follow the meal plans, but I figured I might as well go all out because I want this...I want it BAD.
I can not wait to lose this weight that I have been carrying around for the last few years. I am looking forward to gaining back my self confidence, and being able to say I have a positive self image again. I haven’t had that for almost ten years now. I want it back. I am lucky to have a very encouraging Lummox at my side, who loves me in any shape and at any weight, but knows I want to do this for myself and supports me.
I am doing this in a very public way, only because I believe it will give me the motivation to continue to lose the weight and not quit if I have an audience. I have a couple of blog buddies who will be working on their own weight loss at the same time, adding to my motivation. Thank you MonnyKat for being my workout buddy! And congrats on your 30 day sobriety! That totally rocks, I’m proud of you! Amy started her new workout regimen yesterday! Yay! That’s two people... Anyone else want to join us?
So with no further ado...here are my Day One Statistics;
Height: 5'5"
Weight: 145 (ten pounds more than I thought! Arg!)
Measurements:
Chest- 39
Waist- 33
Hips- 39
Upper arm- 11 ½
Thigh- 22
My goals:
Lose at least 15-20 Lbs
Lose inches
Tone up
Gain self respect
Gain self confidence
Fit into little black dress
Become an ‘active’ person again
Get healthy
To add to my motivation, I am putting my ‘before’ picture below. Notice how I strategically placed myself under my “Titanic” poster? Ha ha. In ten days I will post another pic and stats. Think good thoughts for me! (Pray with me for my spare tire and double chin to go away!) Okay, here goes...ugh, this picture makes my stomach hurt...I don't want to look like this anymore!

(¯`v´¯)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Reminiscing

March 27
Reminiscing

It was a flashback weekend.
Since mom and dad will be moving soon, the house needs to be ready for potential buyers to come tour soon. My job this weekend was to box up and take whatever I could cram into my car. The rest will be sold in a garage sale. So of course I had to go “save” my old things from being sold away to random people who won’t appreciate them right? HECK YEAH! I went straight for the guest room where all my old stuffed animals and dolls from childhood have been kept. I couldn’t bring myself to throw anything away, so I just took everything I possibly could.

There was also an adventure in the attic that proved to be worth my while. Since my parents have moved into that house I have been searching for my rock collection. I used to love love love collecting rocks. My Uncle even gave me this incredible collection of geological rocks and minerals that were labeled and bagged nicely. All these years I had feared mom and dad had sold the collection off in a yard sale, I finally found them boxed up in the attic! The box contained my old rock polisher and tins full of polished agates and other rocks. I wonder if it still works.

In addition to the rocks, I successfully saved the Barbie collection, the Strawberry Shortcake collection, my cabbage patch doll, Holly Hobbie, my unicorn collection, my sticker collection, a few books, garbage-pail kids’ cards, and some stuffed animals. Now, I don’t have a clue what the heck I am going to do with these things, but no one else is going to have them by golly! They just won’t appreciate them like I did! I will save them for my future children I suppose. I hope I have girls because if I have boys they are going to have to play with dolls and like unicorns!

While mom and I were in the attic, we found a bag full of my baby stuff including a journal my mom kept for the first 20 months of my life. It is full of insightful information and I hope to read it one day for advice on my own babies. Mom read some things aloud to me, as she flipped through it remembering. One thing that was hilarious, at 5 months I was reaching for things. She said I was intrigued with whatever anyone was drinking, so dad gave me a sip of his beer- (thus began the love of alcohol! Ha ha!) She also said “...I think she likes the coldness of beer...” Yeah, that is my new excuse for loving beer; I just love it for the coldness of it! That’s the ticket! I love new excuses.

Tonight at my house, if you were to be a fly on the wall I will probably be playing with my strawberry shortcake dolls on the floor of my living room, having a good cold beer with Barbie and Ken while I polish some rocks with Holy Hobbie. Sounds like the perfect evening to me!
(¯`v´¯)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Drifters

March 24
Drifters

Its finally Friday!
Ahhh, no tempgirl today. She got called in yesterday to do one last days work and I said goodbye to her for EVER. On her way out she smiled and pointed at me and said with a disturbing grin “I’m not through with you yet girl! I will see you around soon!” Great, that is something to look forward to- not. I hope that was the last of her. My head still hurts from last week!
This afternoon I witnessed something upsetting; it was humorous and at the same time it was depressing. I was on my way back from lunch, stuck once again at the traffic light that takes an eternity to change, and to my left was a female beggar.
Tangeant- what is the PC term for a beggar these days?
Homeless person?
Vagabond?
Tramp?
Drifter?
Hobo?
Vagrant?
I’m out of analogies....
Anyway...apparently beggarChick had taken some other beggars spot and he was not happy with her. They were yelling at each other, waving their cardboard signs at each other angrily arguing over who was there first. Now I had seen beggarMan there days and days in a row, and I know that was ‘his’ spot. He had a reason to be mad I suppose. But then I started thinking, is there some unwritten rule of the homeless? Do they have an understanding among their circle that says they can stake claim to freeway corners and call them theirs?
I have also noticed a trend here in Austin, where there is a male vagrant, there seems to be a female around the corner with the same hand made sign asking for the same things. They travel in pairs! So when I noticed beggarChick, I immediately looked down the other end of the intersection and low and behold- beggarChick had a beggarDude of her own! When he saw her arguing with beggarMan he began walking towards them. When beggarMan noticed, he was off to find another corner to stake claim to.

Poor beggarMan. I wanted to stand up for him, after all it was really his place of work...he had been their first, but I was afraid of beggarChick, with her grey teeth, and leathered and tanned skin...and Ill bet she packs a mean punch. Those cardboard signs have sharp corners too, ever gotten a paper cut from cardboard? It stings! So as soon as the light turned green again, I was off to my own place of work once again. I wondered though, if there was someone else sitting at my desk when I got back, would I have to argue with them to get my spot back? Threaten them with cardboard if need be? I may need to make friends with beggarMan one day, just in case.
(¯`v´¯)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Replacing Addictions

March 23
Replacing Addictions

White Zinfandel is like candy.
I am such a loser today. First off, I have to apologize to my Lummox, because I kind of lied to him this morning. Well I guess it wasn’t a lie- it wasn’t the truth though either. In any case, I am embarrassed and ashamed of myself.

I have a drinking problem; I mean it isn’t so bad that I need to go to rehab or anything. I am fully aware of the problem when I am sober, but when I take that first drink, something shuts off in my brain.; the part that is supposed to tell me that I have had enough and should put the wine bottle away for the night. That part of my thinking process just shuts down for some reason, and all logic goes out the window. I know that I should just not have any alcohol in my house at all, but sometimes I just want a beer to relax you know? But what happens is, I will have another...and another...and another and before I know it what started as “just one to relax” has turned into a six pack. I don’t drink every day; most times it is just on weekends and maybe once during the week.

Last night after a stressful day at work I just wanted to sit out on my back porch with a glass of wine and relax. By the end of the night- I had polished off half the bottle, it was a big bottle too. I don’t sleep well when I am drunk, so I didn’t get the best sleep last night. I remember glaring through one eye at the red numbers glowing in the dark from my alarm clock at 5am and thinking, ‘oh god I am going to hate myself in a couple hours when I have to get up”. Next thing I knew, I woke up and the power had gone out sometime between then and now and I had no idea what time it was. Where is my cell phone... 9:30!!!!! Oh my god, I am now officially an hour late for work. I hate having to explain things like this...Ill just tell them I slept late and that my power went out. It was part of the truth right? I slapped on some makeup, threw on some clothes and my flip flops and I was out the door looking haggled and wrecked.

Two hours late for work, all because I couldn’t stop myself from having another one. What a friggin loser I am. And to top it all off, I didn’t tell my boyfriend because I was too embarrassed and afraid of what he would think of me. I told him I wasn’t feeling well...but then later I confessed to him. He laughed and was fine with it. Thank god I have an understanding Lummox. I know the problem won’t be as bad when I am with him, because I won’t need it anymore if I have him.

I can see where I am self medicating in some sick twisted way, I don’t know where it comes from though. I can tell myself over and over again, don’t drink too much, don’t buy alcohol, but that switch in my brain shuts off again, and all of a sudden I am drunk. The part I need to get into my head is that I don’t need it. I don’t need that beer or glass of wine to relax. But there again, I need something to replace it. When I drink, I am relaxed, I am happy, and I am content in my own little world. Why can’t I do that without adding alcohol? Is it all in my head?
I am going to use today as the reason next time I want a beer, so that I don’t want it.

There is no reason that I can’t beat this.
I just need another addiction to replace it.
(¯`v´¯)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Seriously!

March 20
Seriously!

The temp is stalking me.

She keeps calling me. I made the mistake of giving her my cell phone number that day I thought she was cool. Now she calls me two or three times a week. This weekend she called me on Saturday to ask if I had watched this DVD she gave me to watch. I had no intention of watching it- some stupid anime movie called Spirited Away that I have never heard of. She really wanted me to watch it though, apparently because she called me again on Sunday. I didn’t answer either time because I try and stay away from situations that just inflict internal drama on myself. *wink* I figured she would get it after the last six or seven times I haven’t answered her calls. I know, I can sound like a bitch sometimes, but sheesh- take a hint! We don’t have her coming in this week because of IT problems, but she called this morning before I left for work! I didn’t answer (big surprise) and she left me a message:

“Hieeee it’s meeeee again. I just wanted to make sure you watched that movie because I’d like to come over tonight to come pick it up. How about 7:30ish? ...more dribble I didn’t listen to...blah blah....so I will see you at 7:30 tonight. Byeeeee”

Whatever, I’ll make sure I have Cody with me to annoy her. I’ll make sure he jumps up on her because I already know she hates that about some dogs because it was included in all the random mind-diarrhea she spewed to me all last week. I continued to get ready for work and was thanking god that I didn’t have to see her at work today.

When I opened my garage door to leave, who do you think was parked outside my house? The temp from hell. I pretended not to see her, so I backed out into the driveway and she pulled along side me on the side street and waved. Friggin great. She saw me look. She had the look of a soccer mom on crack waving to me through the window like I was one of her little kids. I smiled but through my teeth I was huffing ‘oh greeeat’. I got out and yelled out to her ‘Ill go inside and get your movie’ and motioned to my garage to escape. She actually asked ‘are you on your way to work?’ I just stared at her blankly... um no, I’m off to join the circus, what do you think? I went inside and grabbed the DVD and took it out to her. She of course chatted away, telling me her life story. God, why did I take that stupid movie in the first place? I should have snuck it back into her purse while she wasn’t looking so that I could avoid any unnecessary encounters with her again.

As she drove away I had to ask myself, did that really just happen? Did she really just come over to my house and wait outside for me? SERIOUSLY? That is really annoying and a little creepy if you ask me. I am definitely kicking myself for telling her where I live, that is for sure. Hopefully that was the last of her. One can only hope....I mean, Seriously!

(¯`v´¯)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

They got me

March 19
They got me

Theres no turning back now!
They got me.
They were really convincing, and they sucked me in.
Infomercials.
There’s no turning back now.
I ordered.

I really believed in that girl; the skinny one who was wearing the tiniest little sports bra and shorts I’ve ever seen- because I want to look like her. I want to be skinny again. I want to be able to wear that cute little black dress once more. I fit into it a few years ago, it’s a size 7 but I remember it being a little bigger than that. I am now a size 10, down from a size 12 however in the last year, but I still want to lose the weight I’ve gained over these past few years.

I blame aging. I used to be able to lose weight easily, not in the healthiest of ways, but it used to work. I used to be able to just eat half what I usually did and I could lose 5 or so pounds by the weekend. That doesn’t work anymore, sadly. It is maddening when I think about the body I used to have. It was cute and thin and I was proud of it. These days if I happen to see my body naked in the mirror, I wonder how that fat girl got into my house because she really needs to put some clothes on. I wonder what happened? I guess it is just metabolism and getting older. I still eat the same; I am still as lazy as I was back then when I was thin, I don’t get it. The thing is, I’m not overly heavy for my height. (last checked 137 at 5’6”) I just need to lose fat and inches, but my goal is to lose 15 pounds, and I don’t know how to calculate how many inches I need to lose, I just want to fit into that dress!

So, what did I order you are wondering? It happened when I took a break from vacuuming and plopped my butt on the couch for a breather…you know the kind- you sit down and say ‘just for a minute’ and before you know it you have been sitting for a couple hours! There I was, vulnerable and tired in front of my TV, and when I awoke from my infomercial hypnosis I had ordered TurboJam! It comes with 5 different workouts, a tape measure, a nutrition plan (which I never follow anyway), and a multivitamin supplement. At least it isn’t a gimmicky weight loss program; I will at least get my body moving again, limber up, and get my heart rate going. In the past I’ve worked out to Slim in 6 but I quickly got bored of it because it’s the same thing every day. (Plus I accidentally left the resistance bands in Denver when I left my ex) With this I can choose which DVD to put in and get the same workout.
So it has begun, I can’t get away from it now. A new me is coming in the mail. In 5-7 days I will have to make room for a workout every day. Until it gets here, I have traded my office chair for a ‘FitBall’, and I’m going to jump-start my diet by going on the negative calorie diet for a week (its basically just vegetable soup). I’ve started doing stretches before bed because I’m sure I will need it! I used to love dancing so hopefully this will get me back on my feet for a dance style workout every day. Eeeeeee! I am actually excited. Maybe Ill post before and after pics? Hmmm, I will have to think about that one.
Countdown to a new me coming soon!

(¯`v´¯)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Snap out of it!

March 15
Snap out of it!


I will admit- I’ve been saving this picture to use on March 30- but I’m too impatient! I think it’s funny that at the bottom it reads Stop Arthritis hee hee. I’m sure Marilyn could help a lot of men with that...

Okay okay- So I’ve been a big whiner lately. From reading all the comments I got yesterday I started to picture that scene in Moonstruck where Cher slaps Nicolas Cage and yells "Snap out of it!" I just feel like its better to just let my emotions run their course, get out my frustrations where I can and it will be over soon. I used to put on a happy face, cover up my emotions and not talk about anything. But bottling things up doesn’t help anyone in the long run.

Also- I only write about things that are 10% of my life here...that entry yesterday does not represent my existence...it does however represent a pin point of my frustrations, and that is what this site is for. It’s my therapy. Lummox knows how much I love and appreciate him too. I’m not an entirely unhappy person but lets face it, we can’t all be shooting sunshine and rainbows out our arses all the time now can we? There comes a time where you need to stand in the shadows for a while, until the sun comes back out. Alright I’ll stop with the analogies. And I’ll stop whining...until next month. I’m feeling much better today, thanks for all the support, and even the reality checks. Sometimes I need a swift kick in the arse.
(¯`v´¯)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Snap out of it!

March 15
Snap out of it!


I will admit- I’ve been saving this picture to use on March 30- but I’m too impatient! I think it’s funny that at the bottom it reads Stop Arthritis hee hee. I’m sure Marilyn could help a lot of men with that...

Okay okay- So I’ve been a big whiner lately. From reading all the comments I got yesterday I started to picture that scene in Moonstruck where Cher slaps Nicolas Cage and yells "Snap out of it!" I just feel like its better to just let my emotions run their course, get out my frustrations where I can and it will be over soon. I used to put on a happy face, cover up my emotions and not talk about anything. But bottling things up doesn’t help anyone in the long run.

Also- I only write about things that are 10% of my life here...that entry yesterday does not represent my existence...it does however represent a pin point of my frustrations, and that is what this site is for. It’s my therapy. Lummox knows how much I love and appreciate him too. I’m not an entirely unhappy person but lets face it, we can’t all be shooting sunshine and rainbows out our arses all the time now can we? There comes a time where you need to stand in the shadows for a while, until the sun comes back out. Alright I’ll stop with the analogies. And I’ll stop whining...until next month. I’m feeling much better today, thanks for all the support, and even the reality checks. Sometimes I need a swift kick in the arse.
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Band-Aid Covers the Bullet Hole

March 14
Band-Aid Covers the Bullet Hole

Sometimes its getting out of bed that is the hardest thing to do
I don’t think I’m depressed, but I haven’t been in the greatest of moods lately. I don’t want to get out of bed in the mornings, well... ever. I am tired all the time and have no motivation to do anything productive. I have been waking up most nights every two hours, to check the time. I feel like crying all the time, over nothing. I have too much time to think and that just adds to my downfall.

Every once in a while I start thinking of my life, and where I should be by now. About how I wasted too much time on someone who strung me along for 6 years in hopes that he would come around. Well he didn’t, and I can’t get those 6 years back. I feel really behind, and feel like I’m still damaged goods. Why can’t I just forgive and forget? I have nothing but anger and frustration left for him. I know it isn’t healthy to harbor negative energy towards someone, and it’s been almost two years since we broke up, but that’s just the way it is for me.

I still get reminded every day when I look into the mirror that I am 32 years old with nothing to show for it. I could have had kids by now- plural- kids with an S. God damnit. That makes me angry. How do I get those years back? Is it okay that I will probably be 34 or older before I start having kids? I just never thought my life would be like this. 32 years old, not married, no kids....wow. All I need now are about six dozen cats and you can start calling me an old maid.

Why did I ever get out of bed today?

from Grey's Anatomy last Sunday-

"As doctors, patients are always telling us how they would do our jobs. Just stitch me up, slap a bandaid on it, and send me home. Its easy to suggest a quick solution when you dont know much about the problem, when you don't understand how deep the wound really is...The first step toward a real cure is to know exactly what the disease is to begin with, but that's not what people want to hear... We're supposed to forget the past that landed us here, ignore the future complications that might arise, and go for the quick fix

As doctors, as friends, as human beings we all try to do the best we can. But the world is full of unexpected twists and turns. And just when you've gotten the lay of the land, the ground underneath you shifts and knocks you off your feet. If you're lucky, you end up with a flesh wound, something a bandaid will cover. But some wounds are deeper than they first appear and require more than a quick fix. With some wounds you have to rip off the bandaid, let them breathe and give them time to heal."

-Meredith Grey from ABC's Grey's Anatomy.
(¯`v´¯)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Cry baby

March 13
Cry baby

I'm a cry baby lately.
Recently I wrote about some peculiar quirks I have. One of them that I have recently started to notice is that I cry at least once a day! It could be from something touching I heard on the radio, or from something sad I heard on the news, or just basically from nothing. I was talking to Lummox about it and I decided to keep a list of things that brought tears to my eyes this weekend. All weekend I was on an emotional rollercoaster of hormones, up and down repeatedly throughout the last couple days. Isn’t PMS fun?
So-here are some of the stupid things that made me cry this weekend:

Watched a documentary called My Brother’s Keeper and it was touching- I’d recommend it to anyone who likes documentary films.

Johnson and Johnson baby commercials

United Airlines commercial - Dragon

A picture of my grandparents when they were young

The song Better Days by the Goo Goo Dolls (playing)

Finding out that Lummox’s son broke up with his girlfriend

Nip Tuck season one- the episode where Christian breaks down over his memories of being molested.

Hearing my neighbors fighting and completely ignorning their baby sitting in the middle of the sidewalk crying at the top of her lungs

Grey’s Anatomy last night! She talks about pulling off the “band aid” from your wounds. (I’m looking for quotes from the episode last night) I teared up like a million times.

Got angry over the amount of time I wasted on someone who “just wasn’t that into me” for 6 friggin years.

Cody wouldn’t let me sleep in on Saturday morning- but I went back to bed anyway

Went through my pictures and found some of friends who are not here anymore.
Saw myself naked in the mirror- in horror.

The previews for Miracle Workers on ABC tonight

Extreme Makeover Home edition- that show always gets to me!

Gosh I watch a lot of TV huh? What the heck is wrong with me? Im an emotional wreck the last couple days. I used to have what I would call “break downs” but they wouldn’t happen but once every six months. Now it seems to be happening once a month!

I wasn’t sad all weekend; in fact I was in a pretty good mood for 90% of it. Just certain things start to pollute my brain and take over for a little bit until I snap myself out of it. I will admit that sometimes I sit and dwell too much on things that have happened in my past relationship- some of it I am still mad about. I know I need to let go of those things, but it sounds easier than it really is. Certain things still remind me, piss me off, and that will put me into a little spin of anger for a few minutes. Until I remember that I am in such a better place now, and finally with someone who loves me the way I want him to. I just hate that I wasted so many years on someone who didn’t love me at all. But there again, if I hadn’t have followed my ex to Denver, I would have never met the Lummox so I have to be thankful for that at least.

I think I just have way too much alone time right now. Too much time to think can sometimes be a bad thing. Moving back to Denver and in with Lummox will be a great thing for me. I know in a few years I won’t even think of these things at all, it will just take some more time...and lots of Midol.
(¯`v´¯)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Contemplations

March 10
Contemplations

Well, I got through the day without killing anyone yesterday! Yay!
Big accomplishment, I know. I am feeling so much better today, but I’m sure in a couple days the rage will be back...I promise not to rant again- I was scary :) Thanks for making me feel normal though- its nice to know Im not the only one sometimes!

So the deal with the temp that I liked so much last week has changed hugely. I guess it really just was a lot of coincedenses and not a lot of solid connections. I think because I realized she does not have the same sense of humor as I do. I told her a couple of stories that I thought were really funny- and she turned up her nose at me in return and didn’t even crack a smile. I showed her my design for a tattoo I drew for myself, she scrunched up her nose and said good luck with that. She is a little too wholesome for me too. I am way too irresponsible for her I guess- since she has kids and is married she is way too regimented with school, girl scouts, and meetings. That’s one thing I don’t miss about not having kids yet-all the responsibility. (I know I know) All this aside from the fact that she talks incessantly... which I hate. Don’t get me wrong, I think she is a great person, a nice girl and its nice to know she’s in my neighborhood, but I don’t think Ill be having beers with her anytime soon (I don’t think she even drinks- gah!) But I f I want a nice wholesome recipe or girl scout cookies- I know where to go! So- back to being a hermit. (I can't wait to get back to my friends in CO!)

This weekend I think I will work on some projects I’ve been putting off. I don’t have to clean my house! I spent all last weekend cleaning like I had OCD and it paid off! Everything is still cleaned, and in its right place. I may still have to vacuum and do laundry as usual, but it sure feels good to go home to a clean house. (One day when I am married with children I hope to be able to be a stay at home mom so that I can keep my house clean for my family. It is a lot of work! ) So this weekend I think I will concentrate on getting the wedding pics all developed and put them into scrapbooks. And then there is the matter of the photos that haven’t been put into photo albums ever- I think I will sort through those and put them in scrapbooks too. I started doing this for my mom last year when I didn’t have a job, and it was actually sort of fun! I know, I’m crazy, but I love organizing things. Also, I think I will paint a bit. I started a painting for my parents, its all drawn out in pencil- I just need to paint in the color. I worked on my yard a bit last weekend with dad, he came over to help me mow and edge and it looks nice, but I still have a ton of weeds to get at. I started pulling them, but they just grow back. I think Ill stop by Home Depot and get some weed killer and grass food. I’m embarrassed of my front yard. *blush*

So far, it sounds like I have a busy weekend ahead of me. As long as I don’t have to clean the house...I am a happy camper. Have a great one!
(¯`v´¯)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

PMS Monster

March 09
PMS Monster

Jenni has PMS today and she is scary
I am now a week away from my evil monthly visitor and I think that I may kill someone today. I can feel the fury welling up in my veins. Why do I feel like clenching my fists until my nails stick into my palms? I feel like gritting my teeth and clenching my fists, and screaming at the top of my lungs until I have no air left. Punching holes in the wall sounds like fun!

Everyone I have come in contact today has pissed me off to no end. Someone came in to ask me to order more toner for their printer. I suddenly had flashes of an alternate reality-I jump up and smash the fax machine over his head- and then calmly return to work as his stupid lifeless body bleeds all over the floor in my office. Flash back to reality- he is still standing in front of my desk- oh are you still here, sure Ill order your printer cartridge you friggin lazy bastard- oh sorry did I say that out loud?

The temp that I liked so much last week is incessantly talking my ear off and I have stopped paying attention. I just nod my head and push out a word here and there, but I have no clue what she is dribbling about now. For the love of god just stop talking! Leave me alone your stories are mind-numbing and your squeaky voice is piercing my brain. My ears are going to start bleeding soon. I just want silence.
Why are people so annoying?

Don’t they know that I am having PMS?

Don’t they know the world revolves around me?

They should be kissing my ass today, mainly so that I won’t sneak up on them on their lunch breaks and strangle them with their phone cords. Speaking of phones, how come I am the only one who answers the effing phone in this place? Does no one else have the capability of moving their arms to pick up the goddamn thing but me? Apparently not! Gah!

My boobs are so swollen I’m pretty sure they may explode by the end of the day. I have become hypersensitive to sounds; wait what’s that? I think I can hear Timmy calling for Lassie with his dog whistle. I am so bloated today that my stomach hangs over the stupid low rise jeans I am wearing when I sit down- Attractive. I’m sure this is what they were picturing when they designed these jeans. (What a stupid idea low rise jeans are- unless you are Kate Moss you have a tummy pooch and these jeans just accentuate it.) I have a fever blister the size of Texas on my bottom lip so I started talking like that guy from Fat Albert. If I do end up killing someone by the end of the day, it may be from fright.
Dear god, please kill me now.
(¯`v´¯)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Just Like Heaven

March 06
Just Like Heaven

Back then we would sit in our separate areas in the office, and IM each other throughout the day. Most days we were both miserable in our separate relationships, we were good for each other in comforting ways and it would take the sting out of the misery I was in. He would always tell me I was his sunshine. Sometimes he would add that I was the center of his universe even though his girlfriend probably should have been. I liked that.

Let’s run away- I would say
That sounds good- he would reply
Where shall we go? - Id ask
Lets get married, k? he would add
Then we should go to Vegas- Id say
K...you are my sunshine, did you know this? - He would ask

I did know that, and I loved it. I loved talking to him, reality seemed to slip away for those few hours in our day, and all seemed right in the world- An escape.
Back then I would have never imagined we would actually be together one day, especially after the hell I put him through. In the back of my mind I knew I was taking him for granted, but I couldn’t see past my own denial, and the bad relationship I was in. We were both miserable, in our own lives and relationships. We shared some very intimate moments for a brief time one summer, but I wouldn’t let him get too close. I knew he loved me and we both knew we were right for each other; I just wouldn’t let it happen. I was so selfish. I left him alone when he needed me. For a long time I kept him at arms length. I wanted him to love me- only me, and I knew he always would- Even though I wasn’t giving anything in return. I know I hurt him in a lot of ways, he would still tell me I was the center of his universe after it all though. Turns out I was the one making his life miserable.

I have stopped asking myself why I did that to him or how he could possibly still love me after all that I put him through. I just know that I love him for it. He never brings it up in a bad way, he just waited for me. He is my rock. I can’t imagine not having him in my life. I can’t imagine how I could never see that he was the only one for me. I can’t imagine not spending the rest of my life with him. I love feeling like this... it’s just like heaven.
Let’s run away, ok?.......
(¯`v´¯)
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Coinkadinks

March 03
Coinkadinks

I have a new girlfriend!
The last couple weeks at work have been really hectic so we decided we could use the help of a temp agency. Last week tempgirl walked through our doors and had been working off and on all week until my co-worker went on vacation last Thursday. Tempgirl had been pretty talkative to me, mostly about her dog- we both have black labs so she was asking me for a lot of advice. No problem, I don’t mind chatty people, mostly because I’m pretty quiet. My co- worker was annoyed by her chattiness and even went so far as to tell tempgirl that she liked her quiet time at work, and basically made her feel like she didn’t want to talk to her. Mean. I knew I liked her the day she came in wearing a t-shirt with Cartman from South Park on it that read “What are you looking at?” She is sooo- my kind of people. She’s not stuck up, not fake, and is really down to earth. When my co-worker went on vacation tempgirl and I had some time to bond.

I moved her from her isolation in the huge conference room into the office with me, so that we could work and chat. It turns out that we have a LOT in common. It is almost freaky the things that we have in common, to the point that we think we were separated at birth.

We are both the same age- 32 but we are both very childlike, and have young spirits. We are both artists- she sells her paintings on eBay however- something I might want to look into. tempgirl and I both moved to TX to get away from bad relationships. Both her husband and my boyfriend have the same first name! (No she doesn’t call him a lummox though) We both love classic cars, and her hubby rebuilds cars a lot to sell them. We both have black labs, and even our mothers have the same first name! We share a love for everything 80’s, and have shared our CD collections this week at work. We have listened to everything from Donna Summer to Lisa Lisa and New Edition, it has been a blast.

Yesterday, we drove together in my car to pick up some lunch and we started chatting about traffic in the mornings around the areas we both live. It started to sound like she drove the same way to work as I did, hmm. It turns out...get this...
She lives 6 houses down from me on the same street!
NO WAY!

It’s nice to finally have a friend that I can actually feel comfortable with. Most of the girls here are super stuck up, and snotty. Most of them wear 8 gallons of makeup, have their nails and hair done weekly, and wear designer clothes and bling bling. Not me. I don’t feel the need for that kind of life. I have better things to do than shop all the time for the latest Gucci or Coach purses. It seems that way at least, about the girls here- until I met tempgirl . Thank god, finally a girl I can actually like for the right reasons. She is not over the top like most of the girls I’ve met here.

Another reason I miss Colorado is because people seem more down to earth there. People are different here. There is the group of people; mostly they are the ranch people who have lived here for generations that are the nicest people. I think that because we live in more of a city here in Austin, there are more of the rich upper class people that I do not like. It has been hard to make friends here too. I’ve met a lot of people that I call friends, but no one I could say I actually genuinely get along with 100%. I guess it gets that way as you get older? It’s harder to make friends because people are already set in their groups of friends. Even I have a certain set of friends still in Colorado, and it took me about 4 or 5 years to build the friendships I have there.

It feels very comforting to finally have made a friend here, after almost 2 years. Also to finally know someone in my neighborhood is a good thing. I just wish she was working here full time! Ill miss her when we don’t need her help anymore. Id much rather have her working here everyday than the other girls I work with.
Hey, maybe I can talk my boss into hiring her part time....hmmm.
(¯`v´¯)
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¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni