Serendipity & Second Chances

7/31/2006
Serendipity & Second Chances

So this weekend on the road trip- Rugby Dude and I were playing the “ask me a question” game. I personally love playing this game because the more questions you start asking of each other the deeper the questions get after a while. It can take some really interesting twists and turns and before you know it- you find out some really interesting things about the other person! I’m a big fan of the game.

So it was Rugby Dudes turn to ask me a question.

“What prompted you to find me on myspace after all that time?” he asked.
It’s amazing how many thoughts can rush into your brain in one instance, and at that instant I had 9 years of memories fluttering around in my brain. I didn’t really have a whole answer for him though; I was a little stumped because there was so much underneath the reason why I searched for him on myspace. It wasn’t just because of one event or thought; it was because of a million little things.

The day I searched for his name on myspace wasn’t the first time I wanted to talk to him in the years since we parted ways. It was just the first time I had the guts to. You see, I was a (for lack of a better word) bitch to him 9 years ago. I was selfish, and wasn’t very careful with his feelings back then. I never expected for him to ever forgive me for the way I ended things between us. And what’s more, I never dreamed we would become friends again, let alone ever see each other again. But it happened.

It was 1996 or ‘97 I think if I’m remembering correctly. I met him in class, in Flagstaff where we were both in the same major in college. I don’t remember a lot of how we became such good friends, but I do remember being over at his house all the time just hanging out. Things progressed; we got closer and started seeing each other seriously. We graduated, I stayed in Flagstaff and he moved to Phoenix. We had plans to move in together and I got cold feet. The year before I had ended my first seven year relationship because I wanted to date other people, and then I met Rugby Dude. It scared me a lot that I had such strong feelings for him so soon after becoming single. I remember looking at apartments with him, visiting him in Phoenix and panicking when I realized how strongly my feelings were for him. I was scared of getting right back into a relationship, and I really really liked him, I was falling fast. I broke it off by telling him I just wanted to be friends. It was an easy out, and I was extremely careless with his feelings. I was a big chicken. I hate myself for that.

What I hate even more about the way I handled it was the fact that I met the Dreamer just weeks after breaking up with Rugby Dude. Pretty soon, my whole focus was on Dreamer and I completely shut out RD. Part of that was because Dreamer was so jealous, and I was heartless to turn RD away even as a friend. I knew it would only hurt him further if he knew I had fallen for someone else so soon after our breakup. I stopped answering his calls, never answered his letters and soon completely lost touch. I was selfish and I regret that.

Hindsight is 20/20 and we all grow from our mistakes. I never forgot about him though. I thought about him a lot through the years, often wondered what he was up to, where he was, how he was, but never had the guts to try and find out. I know that breaking up the way I did was wrong but in some ways it was a good thing. Who knows what would have happened if we had stayed together, but I know I wouldn’t take back the years because they are a part of me now, and I’ve learned a lot about life, and what love really is. I learned how to grow from my mistakes. People change, I have changed a lot since then. I understand the value of being completely truthful with the ones you love, and being true to yourself, and after all these years I understand how completely important it is to live life with no regrets. Things happen for a reason, and for whatever reason I think all this time has passed between us for some purpose. I don’t know what yet, and maybe it isn’t for me to know, but I do know I am completely thankful for whatever reason it was that led to us meeting again.

I can hate myself, and apologize for things over and over, but I think its time to forgive myself for the way I behaved back then. I was so young. We were both so young. And seeing him now just reminds me of how immature I really was when it came to love. I threw away a really good thing back then; I just didn’t know any better. I know now. I have grown up in so many ways since then, experienced so many things, met so many people who helped me to gain new perspectives and taught me how to look at life through adult eyes. I wouldn’t take back a second of any of that. I know he wouldn’t either.

So here we are almost 10 years later; a few more wrinkles, a lot of new scars (inside and out) a few pounds lost and gained - the package has aged with time but what’s inside is still pretty much the same. I’m so happy that I finally found the courage to look him up. I think if it were at any other point in my life it might not have worked out the way it has. I’m even happier that he still has such a big heart, and could forgive me for my mistakes. It’s in the past now.

I’m not sure where it’s going, I’m just happy for today. And the fact that he is back in my life is enough to keep a constant smile on my face for a very very long time to come. I will just end this by saying this is definitely a “to be continued” story that started almost 10 years ago. I’m not going to rush with any of it, I’m not going to live for tomorrow, and I’m not going to worry anymore about the past. I’m living for what is right now; and all I know is that right now, at this very pin point in time I am happy and that is all that matters.

*Note to self
Don’t mess this up again Jenni
just follow your gut
and wear your heart on your sleeve.

-Jenni

One of those Deja vu things

7/26/2006
One of those Deja vu things

I haven’t had Déjà vu in a very very long time.

I'm not sure whether I should be scared of that, or relieved.
You see, I am one of those people who believes in a few things that not a lot of people do anymore in these times. Reincarnation, fate, and the fact that we are here on earth to fulfill a purpose are a couple of things I strongly believe in. In addition, déjà vu is very important to me.

I am torn between two theories on déjà vu. The one that most people will give as an explanation is that it happens because our brains recognize a memory but don’t know where to retrieve it from, so it makes us feel like we have done something or been somewhere before in a similar way. Or that it was a dream once. Unless I’m psychic, I’m just not sure I buy that.

What if we are living in alternate realities over and over again after reincarnation? What if our souls really are brought back and when we experience déjà vu it is because our soul is reliving the same memories over again because of fate? What if our lives are already mapped out for us, and déjà vu is a way of telling us that we are on the right path? If déjà vu is a reminder that we are here for one reason, how do we know when we have gotten there?

But what if déjà vu is a way for fate to tell us that we are on the wrong path- again? If our souls really are living the same lives over and over again to reach one final purpose, those memories are there repeatedly because in past lifetimes we took the wrong path. Otherwise our souls wouldn’t be remembering a former lifetime if it had reached its goal; it would be renewed to create new memories. So if there is no déjà vu, does that mean we are on the right path?

I like that last hypothesis best. I think that I am on the right path finally, and not having déjà vu is a sign that I haven’t been down this road before; it’s all new to me. Maybe because of the changes I have made in my life recently, I have changed my own fate. Is that possible? Or is this what fate has had in store for me all along?

If fate really is written in the stars, maybe experiencing déjà vu is a way of showing us our own roadmap in a tiny glimpse. Maybe it happens at the crossroads of our destiny, and it is up to us to choose the right direction to follow. Perhaps a few years ago I wandered off the path that fate had in store for me to follow and because of the lack of feeling that déjà vu thing, that’s fates way of telling me I’m going to be okay. I like that.

Yeah, I feel good about this; I think I’m back on the right path finally.

-Jenni

Friday blabbering

7/21/2006
Friday blabbering

Not a lot has happened since last I wrote. Tonight I’m heading up to Corsicana again for the garage sale at my grandparents old house. Last weekend I drove mom up and back so that we could mark all the sale items with colored stickers and organize and such. Let me just tell you, it was so hot I had to have lost at least 5 pounds in sweat alone. Last weekend the high was 103, but I am pretty sure inside that garage was about ten degrees hotter. This weekend should be cooler but I’m going prepared to sweat!

I plan on taking a bunch of pictures of the old house. I love that place. I remember it being so huge when I would visit as a child. The old red truck is still in my grandpas garage, and there used to be a swing hanging from the enormous trees in the back yard. I don’t remember going to the greenhouse much when I was little but its there behind the garage. I smashed some pennies on the railroad track last time I was there, just like Sarah and I used to do when we were children. Its still exciting to go looking for the pennies after the train has gone by. I remember once when I was about seven or eight we were visiting and I got up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom and I got lost inside the house. I remember it being so big inside, with so many rooms; when I go back now it amazes me how tiny the house really is! There are a ton of interesting treasures and out of the ordinary things to take pictures of around the property, Id like to make an album about the house.

My grandfather used to be a brick layer in Corsicana for many years, and there are about a million bricks built in to the lay of the property. The yard is just so amazing, huge even now as an adult looking up into the enormous treetops the tower over the house like guardians; they make me feel small again. I hope my parents decide they like it there enough to stay for a couple more years. I will be so sad when that house sells...it’s a part of me and my history.

The railroad tracks directly across the yard, the bright red bricks, the sprawling lawns surrounding the old house, the old red Chevy truck in the garage, the ancient red bicycle inside the greenhouse, the grandfather clock that keeps us all awake in the night, the locust shells all over, the grape vines, all the junk in the garage, the garden I never knew was there...all of it has some meaning. It’s all a treasure for me to go back to. I will miss it.

On a lighter note, Rugby Dude bought me a plane ticket to fly to Denver next weekend! (Insert HUGE smile heeeeeeere) I am sooo super excited. I will only be in Denver for the night because then we will be driving back to Austin the next day or two. I know it sounds silly, but he said he wanted some more face time with me so that made me feel great. And then he bought me a plane ticket! I’m really excited to have some more catching up time with him. We talk almost every day now, mostly on IM and phone so it will be reallllly nice to see him face to face. I need some snuggling time too.

I sort of divulged my crush to him the other day- eeeeek! Well indirectly- he read it. I got a super nice email from him after he read it, although I’m still not really sure of what his feelings are. He has told me that he thinks of me often, and that is enough to keep my heart beat fluttering. I know it would be silly of me to think that anything serious may come of this, but I still have a little hope. So until then, I’m just floating day to day, I think of him all the time still, and that is enough to keep a smile on my face. I can’t wait for the road trip with him. Maybe Ill get some more answers out of him, although I will not pressure him, he does know how I feel so I guess the ball is in his court. We will see. And even if nothing comes of it, I can live with myself knowing that I put it out there. I’m definitely not going to be that girl anymore that sits around waiting for things to come to her. I figure if I’m truthful with my feelings right off the bat- no games will be played on either side.


Speaking of games- got a really nasty letter from Lummox the other day. I wasn’t going to talk about it, but I just want to get it out there that I am so very happy that I got out of that relationship when I did. That man has got a really nasty and ugly side to him that I am glad I won’t get a chance to know any further than I already have. He is one of those people who is abusive with his words and he gets off on it. I read his email and promptly told him to go to hell. That is the last I will hear of him hopefully. I don’t need people like him who are just out to hurt me to make themselves feel better. Oh and by the way, I got another email from a married friend Lummox and I once shared. She claimed that he came on to her a little after we broke up- what a fucktard. How tacky is that? What was I thinking that I could marry a guy like that? I’m glad to have purged him from my life for good. This is the last of the negative energy he has caused me, and although it feels good to get it out, I don’t plan on writing anything more about him.

I deleted all information dealing with and relating to both Lummox and the Dreamer. I took the Dreamer off my myspace friends list, and deleted both of their email addresses and emails from my accounts. I don’t need them hanging around my life anymore, they are useless to me now and only cause more drama in my life. Its jut too bad I wasted so much time on them.

Onward and Upward!
-Jenni

I'm gonna be an Aunt!

7/18/2006
I'm gonna be an Aunt!

My sister is PREGNANT!!!

WOOOO HOOOOO!!!!!

As of today she is officially 16 weeks along and very very excited about it as we all are. Okay so I have known for a while now but I didn’t want to jinx it ;) She found out about two weeks before mother’s day, and very appropriately I might add. She sent me a photo message to my phone with a pic of the pregnancy test, I promptly called and yelled “that’s a little bit more important than a text message!!!!” and then we rejoiced together over the phone. I remember jumping all around my living room and in the back yard.

I was really proud to learn that I was the first person to know, not even Nathan knew yet! I am the worst person to divulge your secrets to- I can’t stand it- I have to tell someone!! She wanted to wait a week before telling Nathan and our parents so I had to hold it in. I didn’t even attempt to call my parents for fear that I would slip and spill the beans! It was sooooo hard!!! AND she made me promise not to blog about it!!! GAAH!!. That was the hardest part I think :)
The week before mother’s day she made a surprise visit to Dallas where Nathan was finishing up school and she gave him a little box all wrapped up. When he opened it he saw tiny little Michigan booties and a tiny little Michigan cap. I’m not sure how the rest goes, but I heard he was super surprised and very happy to hear the news.

Then they got in the car and drove to see our parents to break the news to them. Sarah was sneaky again and added a line in at the end of moms mothers day card that let her know she would soon be a grandmother. Mom and dad were very happy; it was a great surprise to them as well.

And then I still couldn’t talk about it because they hadn’t told Nathan’s parents yet! I am really not good with secrets :) it was driving me crazy until my parents called that weekend and I could finally stop holding my hand over my mouth. I did tell Lummox though ha ha, I HAD to tell somebody!

I am so excited to be an aunt! I am going to be crazy aunt Jenni that her kids love to come and visit because I will spoil them rotten. I say “them” because I hope they have more :) And hopefully also I will have children one of these days so they can have some cousins to play with! If not- Ill just steal a kid from the store for the day and we can all play make believe! All jokes aside, I am a very proud sister these days. Congratulations Sarah and Nathan! I can’t wait for December!

-Jenni

I found my Sparkle

7/14/2006
I found my Sparkle

you know whats weird-
This whole time I have been thinking- i need to change myself- I need to go out and find friends to make myself happy

but you know what- what i want to do is what makes me happiest- and what makes me happiest tonight is staying home; finding my most favorite songs and playing them the loudest I can possibly play them without pissing off my neighbors, and singing at the top of my lungs with my hair wet from a fresh shower and a tee shirt fresh from the dryer and nothing underneath...dancing around like crazy because theres no one else here but my dog and he loves me no matter what.

and its completely fun for me because its what I want to do

no one else decided for me

this is what I want to do tonight

i love that

and i love this song

and I am doing what make me happy, and only me

fuck it

i dont care what anyone else thinks

anyone

im happy

-Jenni

Choices and Changes

Choices and Changes

Okay, so before I can invite anyone into my life I need to take care of a few things. I need to take care of myself and learn how to be by myself comfortably before I can move forward I think. I have some issues sure, everyone does. But I think maybe some of my issues are getting in the way of living in the truest way that I can. I need to rebuild myself. Rugby Dude called it the tower of power, the pyramid of Jenni :)

First issue is to lose this weight. It has really changed my self esteem in a way that I do not like. I still feel pretty with clothes on, and I still feel like I am a sexy person...until I see myself naked. Ick!

It’s all trickle down. Because of my low self esteem- I don’t take care of myself like I should. I don’t get up early enough to work out because I don’t have the energy. I don’t have the energy because I don’t work out. I don’t fix my hair, or make myself look nice and presentable because I don’t give myself time in the morning because I am too lazy! I am not that person! I am a pretty girl; I should use my assets and make them work for me.

I have man problems because of my own decisions. I chose to be with the Dreamer for almost 7 years and let him walk all over me- I’m throwing him away for good. All he does is hold me back anyway. I’m letting go of the Lummox because he has let go of me. There’s no use holding onto the past anyway...those two are just keeping me down. Or let me rephrase that. I am allowing those two to keep me down and I will not allow that anymore. Moving on!

Insert big exhale here

Now. How and where do I start? How about 20 things...hmmm

1. Delete anything having to do with said men who are weighing me down. Purge thoughts and feelings about them for good.
2. Get big fat booty out of bed in the mornings and walk for an hour.
3. Shower in the mornings and fix hair and makeup nicely without having to rush.
4. Cut all fast food and junk food. Switch to water and diet coke.
5. Work on resume to achieve higher paying job
6. Sit ups and push ups when I get home from work or before bed.
7. Stop drinking so much...beer. (I gotta have a glass of wine once in a while!)
8. Purge all negative thoughts and negative energy from my life.
9. Be a better person, a better friend, a better sister, a better daughter, a better single girl
10. Get out of the house and have some fun
11. Get GPS system and learn to not be afraid of driving and getting lost
12. Plant garden to tend to on the weekends
13. Start drawing and painting more
14. Start reading popular books at night so as to have some form of conversation with said new friends
15. Meet new people and gain friendships
16. Get back my “sparkle” (I don’t know where I lost it)
17. Get some sun!
18. Stop taking life so seriously
19. Breathe in and out every day and enjoy life.
20. Like myself more (I’m a great person!)

Okay...I think that is a good start...off to begin a great weekend with my parents! Have a great one!

-Jenni

Universe and You

7/12/2006
Universe and You

I've got major man problems.

I am a complete and total mess right now. And it is all because of the men in my life. I know I may have caused this drama, and some of it is only in my head but god, I am in a very weird weird place right now.

Last night I finally had the balls to let the Dreamer know that I had seen "Kitty" the girl he cheated on me with. Lets just say it didnt go over well. I wasnt mean or spiteful about anything, I just let him know that I saw her picture finally on her myspace page. I thought she would be gorgeous. I am not really sure why, but I always thought that if I saw her and she was beautiful I would be able to understand. She is quite average, normal looking. I think in some weird sadistic way, it makes me feel better that she is just average...why the hell is that? In any way, I think I pissed him off. My bad.

And I havent heard from Lummox for a long long time. He isnt online, he erased his myspace page and his blog and is never on IM anymore. The last email I got from him ended with "in my last true attempt at friendship I say- goodbye Jenni. I will miss you." what the heck does that mean? It has been driving me crazy since I read it. It is confusing, if he wanted to be friends still- why the goodbye? Why the silent treatment? Was he just trying to get the last word? sigh, he makes my head hurt.

And now...I have a CRUSH! God, what the hell am I thinking. Why do I fall for guys who live hundreds of miles away from me? I can't stop thinking about him. I feel consumed with it. He gave me butterflies, no one has given me butterflies like that in a very very long time- not from Lummox and not from the Dreamer. I can still smell him on my pillows, and on the shirt I wore while we snuggled one night. I find myself drifting off into daydreams and smiling at inappropriate times because I am thinking about him. I cant sleep, I cant eat, I cant concentrate...Even thinking about him gives me that falling feeling in my tummy. What do I do now? He is basically the un-gettable man, and I know that he doesnt feel the same about me and probably never will. It makes me want to laugh and cry all at the same time. What the hell is wrong with me.
sigh

I need a glass of wine.

-Jenni

a dude sighting

7/10/2006


I had the greatest weekend!

I spent the whole weekend with Rugby Dude and it was fantastic. I hadn’t seen him in person in almost 9 years but even in spite of that, it was almost as if we picked up right where we left off! It was great to see him again.

He came to stay with me on his way to look for a house in Denver and decided to stay for the weekend; I’m so glad he did. We went out for sushi and cocktails on 6th street on Saturday night. And then we spent the rest of the night talking and catching up until almost 5am. It was so fabulous to have some much needed human contact, and there was no one I’d like to spend a weekend with than him.

It was great to see him in the flesh, since we have kept in touch only lately through phone, emails and instant messaging. And after all these years he is still the same big lovable teddy bear he used to be! With a few subtle changes of course. And I can’t speak for him, but I think we still click like we used to. We have always had a lot in common and could talk about anything easily, and it is still the same for me- he makes me very comfortable still, even after all the years we didn’t speak.

He is one of those guys, the kind that every girl describes when they dream of their perfect man. He’s got it all- good looks, a brilliant personality, fantastic sense of humor, he’s warm and caring and loves to snuggle. He is a great guy...period.

I was sad to see him go this morning. I hope that it doesn’t take another 9 years for us to get together for a visit again, and I hope we never lose touch. I missed him.

Thanks for the visit RD, I enjoyed it immensely. And that present you gave me was spectacular! Ill never forget it. You can come back again whenever you want; my door is and will always be open to you.

-Jenni

Kids...

Kids...

I just had the most fascinating conversation with a seven year old about Bill Clinton.

My boss brought her son in with her today; I’ve known him since he was a baby. My mom was his nanny until last year, and they are also close neighbors to my parents as well. Grayson is his name and he is a big silly pants when he is around me. I have become that girl who kids are drawn to because I can get on their level, yes I’m a seven year old trapped in a woman’s body. Anyway, today he came into my office to have a chat and to tell me his silly made up jokes and suddenly he asked “Did you vote for President Clinton?”

I sat there stunned, not knowing where this one came from because we were just having a LOVELY conversation about boogers. I had to think for a second, and then I remembered that Yes I did vote for Clinton. It was 1992 and my very first time voting in a presidential election; it was my first year in college so of course I voted, and it happened to be Clinton that I voted for.
“Yes, I voted for Clinton” I replied as I watched his brow furrow and his nose crinkle up.

“How could you vote for him, he is such a liar!” he blurted out in a very loud inside voice. “..you shouldn’t vote for people who lie Jenni, he is a bad man”
I laughed out loud and agreed with him, yes you shouldn’t vote for people who lie.
“I think he was just mad because of his wife” he said as his face grew stern.
“Because of his wife?” I asked eagerly awaiting his reasoning on the subject.
His eyes grew bigger and he gave a big sigh and said “yeah because he should be afraid of her cause she is going to be scary when she becomes president”
I had to laugh. Smart kid, his mom taught him well.

Gone Fishing

7/6/2006
Gone Fishing

Today was cute boy day at the grocery store.
And since I’m single and NOT looking,
what a better place to send off mixed messages! Yay!

I did my best at playing the part, since I have been studying up on How to Get the Guy- a great show by the way. On the first episode they teach you to make eye contact and smile, it’s very important. So instead of walking around with my head down and staring at the floor- I walked with my head up and eyes roaming. On the way in I met eyes with a very handsomely sporty guy and I had just enough time as I walked by to smile at him- he smiled back! Yay! I was off to a great start, and it was an experiment anyway.

I bought condoms today for the first time in FOREVER. You know, for just in case...just in case I run into someone who may need one, and then falls over on me repeatedly...with no clothes on. You know that sort of deal. You can never be too prepared. I think I learned that in Girl Scouts- Always be Prepared... (Or is that a Boy Scout thing?) Thanks to my Girl Scout leaders for that one...yeah-I’m sure they MEANT to say “Always remember to bring Condoms” in our 6th grade meetings.

So anyway, I made sure the box of Lifestyles Ultra Sensitive Lubricateds were in the very front of my cart as to attract any cute single men who might have been grocery shopping amongst the masses today. I used them as a sexual lure of sorts; does that make me a hooker? If I could have worn them around my neck with a flashing sign I would have. I got a lot of smiles from a few guys, and a few upturned noses from elderly ladies but they can just go and...Oh why don’t you just knit me a quilt old lady I need to get laid!

There was one particular guy I had my eye on and I followed him all the way through all the isles that us single people shop in- dairy, bread, and produce and got a couple of smiles out of him before I “accidentally” bumped him with my cart while I was eyeing the bananas. He giggled when I apologized and explained I lost my concentration, but he moved on. Coincidentally he ended up behind me in the check out isle! Wonderful I thought, but when I glanced at his hand- he was married. Damn. I had to throw him back.

I’ll try again next week; same day same time. Now I just have to think of new bait. I hear boobs work good...maybe Ill meet him next week in the melon isle...
-Jenni

Jonesing

7/5/2006
Jonesing

Hope everyone had a good July 4th celebration! I ended up spending the weekend at mom and dads. It was nice to visit and have a long weekend with them although because their house is on the market, it was a little tough when people wanted to view the house. We would have to pack up and move and erase all traces that we were there. I became a master at “erasing” footprints from the carpet. Luckily my parents are watching the neighbor’s house while they are gone so we just retreated there while realtors and visitors walked through the house. Cody wasn’t too happy that he had to move around all weekend, but he dealt with it.

Mom and I went shopping and saw a movie- The Breakup with Jennifer Aniston and Vince Vaughn and it was really great. Very funny. We took gramps out to Chinese food and basically just hung out all weekend. Their neighbors had a cultisac party on Monday night and we drank beer and barbequed until the fireworks. It was nice but I realized that I have nothing to talk about with people- even in small talk! Maybe it was because of the age gap between me and the people in my parent’s neighborhood...plus I don’t have anything in common with those people other than knowing my parents. It felt like all I talked about with everyone was where I moved to, how my job was, and how I am dealing with my parents move. Boooring. I’m a big yawn!

It’s amazing how different I feel from the women in my age range in their neighborhood. There are a couple of girls who are probably only a few years older than me, but they live in huge houses, have kids and husbands. I have absolutely nothing in common with them! I can’t begin to compare my life with theirs and every time I visit my parents it becomes apparent that I am just...different.

Where are all the other single thirty something girls with no kids hanging out? Do they already have a circle of friends? Where do I begin to fit in? When do I get accepted into a group of friends and not considered the new girl? How do I find other single people to just hang out with? I’m tired of just staying home on weekends, it would be nice to meet some friends for a beer, or for a movie sometime. It shouldn’t be that hard to meet other people my age who share my single lifestyle right?

It seems like when I do meet new people, they are married with families and have already established friendships with people who are like them. I definitely don’t want to be the only single girl in the group. Another problem I’m finding is that, well a lot of women my age already have kids and their lives revolve around caring for them, and I’m not prejudiced against them, but it would be nice to hang out where there aren’t children sucking up all the attention in the room.

Finding new friends is almost like finding a guy to go on a date with. There are certain qualities that I look for in potential friendships just as I do when I look for a man. Is she single like me? Does she have no kids like me? Does she like to drink socially and bash on men, like me? Where are all my single friends in Austin? They are probably hanging out with all the single men that I’m not dating.

Why do I feel like Bridget Jones all of a sudden? Oh god, I think I am Bridget Jones...