Bizarro Land

8/31/2006
Bizarro Land

I can already tell that today is going to be a strange one.

I got up this morning and tossed the shirt I wanted to wear into the dryer to get rid of some of the wrinkles, and put on a crappy tee shirt while I got ready. I am now at work in the crappy tee shirt; I completely forgot to change shirts! I can’t believe I did this; it’s been a nightmare of mine for many years. The one I have most often is that I put on two different shoes and do the flamingo pose in the mirror to see which shoe looks better, and then I leave for work with two different shoes on. I often walk out the door barefoot, forgetting to put my shoes on, but I catch myself on that one. Today I didn’t catch myself! I think the stress is getting to me. So now I’m stuck at work all day in a men’s XXL Hanes white undershirt!

And then... I went through the drive through at a certain golden arches, and the girl on the intercom tells me “thank you that will be $1.70 at your first window” so I drive through. I get out exact change and hand it to her and she says “um...it is $1.78” and I looked at her in confusion. “I get the same thing everyday, and it is always $1.70 was there a price change or something, you told me it was $1.70” and then she pulled out her attitude and her posture changed as she rotated her neck. “My register says $1.78” and she turns the cash register display so I can read it. It reads $1.70!!! I felt like I was on candid camera. “Your register reads $1.70 and that is what I paid you” I say back, and I was really trying to hold back from being patronizing to her even though she was a total bitch to me. She didn’t even bat an eye, called over the manager and whined to her that I didn’t want to give her the right change. WTF? Are they hiring people now that can’t read or what? The manager corrected her and gave me my money back and apologized for her attitude. So I drove to pick up my coke and hash brown.

Different girl at the window now...hands me a huge heavy bag full of food, and a super large coffee.

“This isn’t mine” I tell her.

As if she didn’t hear a word I just said, she says “would you like cream and sugar with your coffee?”

“No, this wasn’t what I ordered. I ordered a coke and a hash brown”

It was as if I told her the world was coming to an end and she didn’t know what to do first. Same manager comes to the window to help her, and I finally get my order.

What the heck? I just want my morning caffeine and grease! Is that so hard?

So, its only 9:45 and the day is already turning out to be a weird episode of the twilight zone. I’ll fill you in later, because I’m sure there will be more.
Who knows what lurks in the shadows....of bizarro land.

-Jenni

It could be worse...

8/29/2006
It could be worse...

I broke a new personal record for time spent at a job.
It took me exactly 4 hours to quit.

That place was a veritable shit storm of disorganization and craziness. I made an agreement with them to come in on Monday for training half day because I still have to finish up things at my old job, to help close up shop. By the second hour of training I was ready to leave. My instincts were telling me “RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY FAST!!!”

The girl I was supposed to take over for, had already cleared out her belongings from the office, and there were stacks of papers all over the place. Nothing was organized and even she couldn’t find things when frantic co-workers asked. Her computer wasn’t even on her desk because there wasn’t room for it. It was across the room on a table that she couldn’t sit at, so when she needed it she stood over it. WTF? Her desk was used mainly for a pile of paperwork that continually grew during the time I was there, from co-workers coming in and out adding to the stack. There was no organization I could tell because that was the way her brain worked. Some people just thrive on it I guess. She was trying to train me but she would get stuck on another thought, you should see my notes...one full page of training with little arrows going back and forth following her train of thought. It was insane! I was supposed to pick up where she left off, but where was it- Under the pile of unspecified paperwork somewhere on her desk?

I asked her for a price list per vendor, and she told me “Oh well I have that all in my head”. Um okay...will you please leave your brain when you go because I’ll need to access that information sometime soon I am sure? I asked her for a list of contacts and she pulled out her cell phone and started writing on the back of one of the pieces of paper she had just received!!! No wonder she can’t find anything, she is using invoices as note paper and her own personal cell phone for vendor contacts! What the heck was I supposed to do when she left on Thursday with no price list and no contacts?

She was on speed too I think. She didn’t stop moving the whole time was there, and she couldn’t keep one thought for more than a few seconds. At one point she got on the phone so I decided to walk around to meet some people and get out of her orbit. I came across an office in the back of the building with a poor girl at a desk piled with random paper stacks, and I said hello. She looked up from her chaos at me with sad eyes and said hello back. We chatted for a minute and I found out that she had been working there for only a week and it was utter pandemonium there. She then said “I have no idea what I am doing” That is when I decided I should probably high-tail it out of there. I felt bad leaving here there. When I left I thought, I should have grabbed her by the arm and taken her with me! I called them later and respectfully resigned.

So, I’m back at my old job working through Thursday to help close things up around here. You wouldn’t believe the bad luck this place has had. I’ve only been working here for two years and in that time the company has gone under due to multiple thefts. When I first started here, there had been a break in to the front offices and all the computer equipment in 6 offices was stolen. Just recently we discovered a theft ring working internally in our warehouses. It had been going on for quite a while under our noses apparently, but we lost over a million dollars in product. Just this weekend, after everyone was notified of layoffs, the warehouse was broken into again- Twice! A man who owns land behind our warehouse saw it happening in the middle of the night and called the police as he drove to where it was happening. The thieves caught him, accosted him, took his cell phone and ran over him with the truck they were using. I haven’t heard anything more- but I think the man is alright, just a little bruised. Can you believe that?

As I write this, the bills the company hasn’t been able to pay are catching up with us and our internet and email was just shut off. Hopefully there will be electricity tomorrow so I can finish up!

I guess it could always be worse. I spent yesterday in an anxious, emotional fog. I think it finally hit me that I was officially unemployed. I knew I would freak out, just wasn’t sure when. My freak out day was yesterday, and boy am I glad I got it out of my system. I went to bed early last night after a fantastic conversation with Rugby Dude (who is in Torino, Italy now) and he cheered me up instantly. He is great at making everything better. I love talking to him; it is like a breath of fresh air. I miss him. He’s my number one fan.

I woke up this morning renewed, and ready to face the world. After all, it could be worse; I could have been accosted by thieves who took my cell phone and ran over me with a truck! I’m glad I wasn’t that guy! Oh and I did apply for unemployment, what could it hurt? It’s there to help me, so I figured what the heck.
Back to the drawing board. Wish me luck!

-Jenni

oh and pee ess...Thermostat at home is now set at 80 ...needless to say- I carry a fan around with me all day but it will save me money in the long run!

Is prostitution an option?

8/25/2006
Is prostitution an option?

Well I got a job.
I’m sort of excited about it.
I think...

Yesterday after the interview I was pumped, but the more I think about it- the more I think it sucks. Who are these people that think that anyone can survive on $10 an hour? I talked them into paying me more but still it isn’t enough to sustain me for very long. Plus, they only pay for half medical and half dental and “frown upon” overtime. What the heck? Crappy I say! So for the next 30 days I’ll be prostituting myself for two dollars less than what I’m used to making. I made a deal with him that if after 30 days he likes what I can do he will raise it one more dollar per hour. Its still less than I make now. Poo.

Needless to say, I’m still looking around. I need to get drunk tonight.
I have already taken measures to try and save money, and now I have to cut back even more I guess. I set my thermostat at 78 during the day while I’m not there and 74 at night- which means that upstairs is at least 80 all night. It sucks sleeping in a pool of your own sweat. I went and nabbed a desk fan from my office to blow on me all night, I didn’t sleep very well but I guess it’s worth saving a little money-Ill get used to it.

And now for something completely different

This morning something strange happened to me on the way to work. I was at a stop light and noticed what a crappy car was in front of me. I thought to myself “why don’t people take care of their cars better?” and then the light turned green. I then noticed that said crappy car in front of me had a slightly wobbly wheel. Now normally I don’t talk out loud to myself, but this morning I felt it appropriate.

“Dude, your wheel is going to friggin fall off.” I said out loud to myself, as if he could hear me and nod in agreement. I thought about passing him, but then....his wheel fell off!!! Sparks went flying, the car shifted off to the right and I immediately slowed down just in case. The tire went off on the loose down the road and hit a poor innocent car in the turn lane across the street. Poor woman didn’t know what hit her, but it hit pretty hard and it was a rolling tire from a crappy car that probably doesn’t have an owner with insurance.

What was even weirder- the guy with three wheels and sparks flying just kept on driving! Gosh, I can’t imagine driving a car with only one front wheel but I can only suspect it feels a lot differently than driving on one wobbly wheel and one normal one. Guess he got scared, and probably didn’t have insurance. Bastard Glad I didn’t pass him.

-Jenni

Pavement Pounding

8/22/2006
Pavement Pounding

Looks like once again; I am out of a job.

I got a phone call yesterday from my boss letting me know that the company I have been working for is dissolving. Of course I was sad, selfishly I was sad mostly because I hate looking for jobs and I have absolutely no savings. So unless otherwise specified, I have a week left. How is it that the last two companies I have worked for have gone out of business? I guess this is a sign that I have to swallow my pride and work for someone corporate.

How do people do it? How do people survive in the time between losing their jobs and finding a new one? I am not the kind of person to apply for unemployment; I would rather close out an insurance policy or something than resort to government money. I am a little worried that I won’t find anything as soon as I need to. I probably have enough money to pay next months rent and bills but after that, I’m dead broke.

I called last night and closed out my life insurance policy, that should give me a pretty good pillow of money for a little while. I’d rather not use it at all, but I will feel better if I have a little savings to fall back on in an emergency. I can’t get a friggin credit card for some reason; they tell me my credit score isn’t good enough. Well how am I supposed to work on building my credit up again if I can’t get a credit card!

Speaking of emergencies, that means I won’t have health insurance for a while! Last time I picked up my prescription of birth control, my insurance had bumped my co pay up from $30 to $50 with no warning. I have been planning on changing my prescription for a while now anyway. Where can you get the pill without a prescription? I guess I don’t have to worry about being on the pill for a couple months at least since Rugby Dude will be in Europe until mid October.

He flies to London tonight. Eeek. I’m going to miss him a LOT; which doesn’t really make a lot of sense because he is in Florida now, so the long distance is still there- he will just be in another country. I’m not sure if we will be able to talk as much as we have been either because of the time difference. On any normal day we talk on instant messenger all day, and then either a phone call or a chat on Skype.com with my newfangled webcam. I will definitely miss the communication every day.

His plans are to move to Denver at the end of October. He has hooked up with a family friend and they will be renting a downtown loft for a year or so until Rugby Dude can find a house he wants to buy. I’m already planning to go visit him as soon as he gets back from Europe in October. Hopefully by then I will have a new job, and a little savings, and birth control.

Anyone out there hiring?

-Jenni

Relationship

8/18/2006
Relationship- DEFINED!

Funny how flowers can just make everything better.

A couple nights ago, before my freak-out, Rugby Dude asked me a question on instant messenger. How would you define our “relationship”? Since I am the Jenni, I didn’t think first and I jumped on the chance to ramble and blabber out how I felt for him. I pretty much made a fool out of myself spewing out a bunch of emotional and long-winded dribbeling. At the time it sounded great, but then I realized – oh shit, I think maybe he was joking. I have a habit of letting my mouth run before I think about what I may be getting myself into. The conversation was pretty one sided, I rambled and he listened. I got flustered and the conversation didn’t end as well as I hoped it would. And then the breakdown of August 17th happened.

The funny thing is, I don’t think he even read my blog but I got a call from him last night. He wanted to know that I was okay, and that I was feeling good about us. He cleared everything up for me. He was so amazing about it too! No one has ever cleared up my worries like he did for me yesterday. He really opened up last night, and without going into detail lets just say- I’m in love! As soon as we got off the phone I felt like I was floating. I am back to knowing exactly what I want, and what I want is him. He makes me extremely happy. More than anyone has ever made me happy before. He still gives me butterflies, even just hearing his voice on the phone or getting flowers from him gets me all fluttery inside.

I have no worries now. I know how he feels, and I trust him 100%. I know that he knows how I feel, and I know that he is happy. That’s all that matters to me. All I want to do is make him happy. I want to be the girl that brings a smile to his face, because that is what he does for me. I can’t stop smiling!

Everything else before this moment in time was just a waste of breath. I never even knew what I was missing. I have talked before about love, and after last night I know for sure that I have never been in love. This is so much more than anything I have ever experienced. This is a different feeling, a much more intense feeling than anything I have ever felt for anyone before this. This is what love should feel like.

Everything else was just the road that led me here.

-Jenni

A little bit crazy

8/17/2006
A little bit crazy

Has anyone else out there ever been in an “undefined relationship”? And if so, are you as confused as I am? I can’t deny the fact that I am a woman, and I think a lot differently than men do, but why can’t relationships just be easy? I know it is silly to want that, if relationships were simple there would be no excitement; the rollercoaster is part of the fun. It’s supposed to be anyway.

I have really been trying hard to change the way I think about relationships lately. It is a lot harder than I thought. I have actually been doing really good about it, and then I have days like today and I have to take a step back and re-evaluate the situation. I don’t know what it is about being a woman, but we tend to over think things until they are huge piles of mush taking up the place where our brains should be. Right about now my brain is long past mush- its pulp.

• The way I want to think- take is slow, live for today, have fun, no worries.

• The way my brain is used to working- define relationship, set boundaries, create rules, plan for future, worry worry worry.

• The way my brain is working today- pppjjhhhhhllleeeeggggggmmmmmmaaaaaaagggghh
I definitely don’t want to become naggy and overbearing about it, because I know where that can lead. But I have these days like today, where all I want is some answers. As a woman, sometimes I just need them to make my mind shut up. And if my mind shuts up so will my mouth. And if my mouth shuts up I won’t get in trouble..(Unless I document it in writing- like in a blog perhaps?) Sigh.

I just don’t understand how guys do it. How are they always so aloof and carefree about relationships? Do they ever worry about things like women do? Or do they just set their own rules and keep them a secret from us until we snap like crazy stalker lunatics. Men have a rulebook somewhere, I just know it! I will admit, I do set my own relationship rules from time to time, but I make sure they are public knowledge to whoever I’m “dating”. I also have no problem with wearing my heart on my sleeve. I will voice my feelings at the drop of a hat, and you don’t even have to ask. Why is it so hard to get a man to tell you what is up? Even if its bad news, I will be fine with it, as long as I’m in the loop!

I know, I’m just having a bad day and I worry too much. I should just have fun with it, and just take things with a grain of salt. Its soooooo hard though! I know exactly what I want, is that what is making me crazy? Maybe I should throw all that out the window and start with a clean slate. Maybe that would make my brain hurt less. Maybe having absolutely no expectations in regards to this relationship will make things “easier”.

I suddenly find myself right back where I was. Nothing is easy, especially relationships. But I guess we can make it easier on ourselves by eliminating the drama in our own heads. As a woman, there is constant drama in my head. I wish I could turn it off and think like a man. I wish I could change the way I think, and I’m really really trying, I am. Some days are just harder than others.

Ugh...my pile of mush hurts.

-Jenni

UTI think I'm gonna die

8/16/2006
UTI think I'm gonna die

Dear baby Jesus, make it stop.....
It just wouldn’t be a year in the life of a girl without getting one- a dreaded UTI. (For those of you who have no clue what I’m talking about a UTI is a urinary tract infection aka bladder infection) How do people function normally in their daily lives while dealing with this? I woke up feeling like I was going to pee myself and almost didn’t make it to the toilet before I realized what was happening. When the thought entered my mind I felt my face squinch up, but that may have also been from the agonizing pain of fire shooting from my body. Why does it always feel like molten lava coming from you? Dammit I hate these things.

Last time this happened I stocked up on the ingredients to remedy a UTI, according to the wisdom handed down to me from friends and family members. I have gone to the doc before for these things, but all he really tells you is not to have dirty sex, and to stay clean while taking a load of pills. I’ve been able to cure it myself before for a lot less than that co-pay cost.

I’ve tried Cranberry juice before, and all it really does is help you to pee more. I have even tried 100% sugar free cranberry juice and people I DO NOT recommend it- it’s disgusting The idea is that the anti oxidants in the juice will help to neutralize the bacterial growth. But if the bacteria are already there...the cranberry juice does no good. Cranberry juice is only protective in the early stages. It doesn’t work.

I’ve tried drinking massive amounts of water. All this does is making the frequent trips to the bathroom more bearable. The idea is to purge your urethra of any bacteria hanging around. But all it really does is make you have to pee even more! It doesn’t work, but it does help.

I’ve tried drinking teaspoons of apple cider vinegar and honey in warm water. This is just disgusting, Id rather pee molten lava than have to drink this concoction six times a day. Yuck!

I’ve tried drinking baking soda mixed in warm water- again, it’s gross and helps in the beginning but in the end all it does is make me feel worse.

DO NOT DRINK CAFFEINE. I repeat- do not drink caffeine at all! Stay far far away from coffee and soda because all it will do is make you feel even worse. Caffeine is a diuretic and makes you feel like you need to pee more. I am guilty of thinking, there’s water in coke...right Jenni, great thinking.

I’ve tried the over the counter UTI pain relievers that come in the little orange pills. The first time I had an experience with these was through a prescription from my doctor. But you can buy them at the grocery store for much less. I was startled at first because it literally turns your pee iodine red. It also stains your toilets if you aren’t careful. These little tiny pills will take care of the sting, but there is nothing in them to help the bacteria. It helps, but doesn’t cure.

A couple years ago they found out that the live cultures in yogurt are helpful to women and their digestive tracts. I tried the new Dannon brand DanActive drinks the last time this happened and it helped IMMENSELY. I drank one drink for breakfast and another at lunch mixed with the pain relievers and gallons of water. This works!

Halleluiah!

So on my way to work this morning I stopped at the grocery store for some DanActive, some distilled water, and some UTI pain relievers. Hopefully by the end of the day I will feel better because I had to scoot to the restroom twice while in the grocery store alone! People look at you funny when you are bent at a 45 degree angle running through the store with your hands in your crotch like a two year old. \
Wish me luck! I'll post an update later today.

****Please note- I am NOT a doctor and these are merely suggestions. They may not work for you, but they work for me. If anyone has any more suggestions feel free to leave a comment. But please don’t sue me if your urethra falls out.

-Jenni

Other Peoples Children

8/15/2006
Other Peoples Children

I don’t remember disliking babysitting as much as I do now.

Well it may have something to do with the fact that I am babysitting unwillingly from the extreme discomfort of my desk at work. Now, please don’t get me wrong- other people’s children are lovely, as long as I can give them back at the end of the day. This one in particular is a sweet kid, I have written about him before because he is precocious and funny sometimes. This morning in particular he was bold in his first comment to me.

As he walked down the hallway in front of my office after a brief wave hello through the sliding window to my desk I looked up with a cheerful smile as he said “um Jenni what’s up with the dark circles under your eyes?” My smile wilted abruptly with early morning irritability the second my boss laughed at him.

It’s her kid you see, and I believe she is using him as a torture device to drive me insane. She thinks it’s funny; she must since she brings him in at least twice a week and discards him onto me.

“Isn’t there a school or a prison somewhere that is missing you today?” I ask him as he plopped his backpack to the floor and took the seat in front of my desk.
“Seriously is that makeup or something because it’s really really dark under your eyes”

“Where is your mother...” I whispered in my best cynical sigh

I decided to ignore him, maybe he would go away. I suddenly had a new appreciation for my dog because he can't talk.

His mother, apparently assuming that every time she brings him in with her I will be his nanny, was now sitting comfortably in silence in her office down the hall. I pretended to ignore him but he wouldn’t let me. Kids need attention, but this one has to have a permanent spotlight on him at all times.

I had zoned out at one point, but after about an hour of hearing his voice buzzing in my ear about who knows what I decided to listen in to his blabbering. Is he still here? He had been talking for almost an hour about how awful I look today. Gah! What the heck happened to child care, why isn’t he in school, and why does he choose me to annoy today?

So what if I had been up since 4am on the toilet taking a much needed 5-day-old poop and just never fell back asleep? So what if I decided to go sans concealer this morning because I had been too lazy because of said 4am pooping. So what if I have perpetual dark circles under my makeup and frizzy hair that just won’t stay in my ponytail and decides to stick straight out instead? I’m pretty dammit! And I’m at friggin work- who cares? No one sees me all day unless they have stumbled into the wrong building anyway. And who are you- a 7 year old with no manners- to make me feel like crap this early in the morning anyway? Why am I arguing with a fetus anyway?

I decided to keep all that to myself however because you know what a 7yr old can do with that type of information, especially when you include the word poop and a raised voice. I realized he didn’t know any better, apparently because his mother won’t pay attention to him long enough to teach him any manners. And who also laughs at his bad behavior instead of correcting him.

Instead, I smiled extremely pessimistically at him in a very Jenni way and got up out of my desk straining to remain calm

“Here...”I said as his backpack was politely but forcefully handed back to him. “...let me help you put this back on for your trip down the hall”
“Wait, where are we going?” he whined

I pointed to his mother’s office and said “go find your mom and tell her this is why Jenni doesn’t have children!”

Okay I didn’t really tell him that, but I thought about it heavily as I watched him drag his feet down the hall to his mother’s office. I heard the familiar sound of a pint sized backpack falling to the floor, and a mumble of one sided conversation.

At one point I heard a miniature running noise and then “oh no look, my pants fell down!”

She took him home soon thereafter.

-Jenni

Happiness Revisited

8/8/2006
Happiness Revisited

I am falling for him all over again.

It’s hard not to, he is the epitome of what I love about being with someone. It is funny; I can be completely myself around him because he already knows I’m like this. It almost feels like I have been in a coma for the last nine years and I’m getting back into him just like I was before, but even more so; As if we just took a nine year break. I’m being very careful about it though. I guess I shouldn’t so much; it takes away from the experience. I just don’t want to screw anything up this time. He is the best thing that has happened to me in years, and I don’t want to lose him. Not again.

I am trying really hard to re-train my brain in the way I think about things. It’s really hard not to think about what my future holds, especially when I am with him. I can see forever in his eyes, but I don’t want to jump that far ahead just yet. It’s a “to be continued” story, I have to keep telling myself. I can’t jump ahead to the last page. I have to remember to take it day by day, and it is turning out to be a really spectacular thing. I don’t worry as much anymore, because life reshapes itself all the time.

You know, this might sound silly, but about a week before I found him on myspace I took one of those silly quizzes to waste some time. It was the “Which Sex and the City Vixen are you?” quiz. I am apparently most like Miranda according to the quiz. I guess it must be the redhead thing, that and the independent personality I think, however I don’t agree with most of it. This one was different though, it had a romantic prediction listed at the end. If you go to my myspace page I have it posted, but it reads “Romantic prediction: Someone from your past is waiting to reconnect...But you'll have to think of him differently, if you want things to work.” I keep looking back at that and thinking to myself...weird, because it’s true.

I am in this mindset that I’ve never experienced before- as far as relationships go. Normally I’m all about staking my claim but this time, I’m a lot freer with it. I truly think we are perfect for each other, and I know he feels the same way about me; but the timing is just not there for us to really truly be together right now. He has a lot going on in his life, he’s traveling, and he’s figuring out his job situation, he’s relocating in a few months; he just has a lot on his plate. But the weird thing is, I’m okay with just having fun with this and be casual about it for now. I’m happy just knowing he’s out there somewhere, and that he feels the same for me as I feel for him. Unless he tells me any different, I’m not worried about it at all, in any way shape or form. This is really unusual for me. Things will work themselves out in the end.

He’s coming to visit again this weekend. I can’t wait. After this weekend I won’t get a chance to see him again for a couple months probably because he will be going to Europe. Going to stock up on snuggles this time. It feels amazing to be around him. He makes me feel amazing no matter where he is in the world. I literally feel like I can breathe easier when I’m around him. The rest of the world could be spinning out of control around us, and we would never know. I like it like that.

Cheers!