Tuesday, February 28, 2006

Don't go to sleep

February 28
Don't go to sleep

I had the scariest dream last night!
I don’t have terrifying dreams too often so when I do it really gets to me and this one was FAH REAKY (that’s freaky in valley girl) Okay, this gets a little bad at one point so read at your own risk. Remember- it’s only a dream.

I often have dreams about old old houses. Sometimes the house is abandoned but still has all the original things in it that the original owners left behind. Sometimes it is a hidden room that has been preserved with the old things inside still. This dream was a mixture of both of those themes.

In my dream I am in a house with two girls, I don’t recognize them when I think back, but in the dream they were my friends. We had discovered this old house with all the original furniture inside. There was even clothing still hanging in the closets, bedding on all the beds, and looked as if it had been very lived in once, a long long time ago. Today the things inside would be considered antiques, so we were fascinated with the things we found. There were rooms that had obviously been inhabited by children, toys and tiny bedroom sets filled the rooms. Everything was covered in inches of dust, and the windows were boarded shut. We began cleaning. The dream is in small bits, and I am in different places in the house in quick, sudden movements as if there are pieces of the dream missing but fit back together.
Suddenly I am looking up a staircase to the attic door. I like the way old houses have actual staircases built up to the attics, and not the pull down ladders we have in houses today. I can see my friends up there rummaging around and more treasures to look at. I am excited to see what they have found as I walk up the creaky steps. The second I get to the top I am filled with an awful feeling and take a big breath of air into my lungs as something comes up the stairs behind me in a gust of wind. As if it was a tornado it picks up my body and throws me down the stairs to the bottom. I am still taking in air to my lungs the whole time and I have a tickle in my stomach, the kind you get on roller coasters. When I hit the bottom and look back up the steps I suddenly feel as if something huge and heavy is dropped onto my chest and all the air I had in my lungs was pushed out violently and I am filled with anger and hatred. All of a sudden that anger has boiled up in me and I begin to fly up the stairs into the faces of my friends who had been watching from the top of the stairs. I could feel myself wanting to kill them and I am bearing my teeth and screaming a low guttural sound. It was as if I was possessed. I had so much anger in me that it lifted me and allowed me to gush up the stairs in a blast of wind. That was scary. As soon as I was thrust back up into the attic, whatever it was inside me left, and I was dropped to the floor.

Then I was being seduced by a man that was in the house. I don’t know where he came from, but I had this awful feeling that I did not want to make him mad. I did whatever he said, and played along as if I truly liked him so he wouldn’t kill me. He took me to another room in the house that had been cleaned. There was a huge four poster bed, and a set of tiny twin beds in the room. The window had been opened and the curtains were blowing in the freezing air. The room was all white with small accents of red embroidery on the bedding. He had taken off all his clothing and was kissing me hard, but I couldn’t feel his face. He was instructing me to strip, but I turned to close the door and knocked his suitcase a bit. This angered him and he grabbed me by the upper arms and brought me to him again. He was awful and I just wanted to get away from him. He made me do some sexual things to him and then as quickly as he was there he was gone. I still had all my clothes on and the wind had stopped. I noticed his suitcase was gone and one of the girls came into the room. At this point I am kneeling on the floor in front of the bed so she doesn’t see me. I feel exhausted, emotionally and physically and I can not find the strength to speak or move. The girl walks to the window to shut it and when she gets closer she ignites into flames. She is obviously freaking out and running around, but I am not panicking because in my mind she will be fine, it is just a figment of her imagination. But I can not get myself up off the floor to calm her. She is running around trying to get out of the room and her face begins to melt. Our other friend comes to the door and lets her out and knows it isn’t real, but she needs to catch her because she wants to throw herself down the stairs. I finally gain the strength to get up and we push the girl into another room and lock her in until she calms down. As I am locking the door I turn to the other girl in the hallway and she is glaring at me with the most evil face and her teeth begin to grow long and sharp, and her skin begins to slowly melt off her face.
And then I wake up.

Gaaaaaah! What the heck was that? I couldn’t get back to sleep after I woke up from that dream last night. I even went as far as to get a teddy bear to sleep with! Winnie the Pooh did a great job of keeping me safe the rest of the night. I couldn’t make Cody get up on the bed with me- the one night I need him to, and he wants to be on the floor! Dang it, I hate scary dreams.
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Friday, February 24, 2006

I'm not fat I'm Rubenesque

February 24
I'm not fat I'm Rubenesque

I’m having a fat day.
After looking through all the pictures from the wedding, I feel extremely fat. It’s weird how your perspective changes when you see yourself in pictures. You know? You get reaady in front of a mirror image of yourself, and you think you look great. Then the film gets developed.

Before the wedding I felt okay about my body, I’ve lost some weight since I first got here. I even went down a couple of sizes from a 12 to a 10. I stopped drinking beer so much, and cut out a lot of carbs. I have never been one to exercise, but I am fine with having a soft womanly figure. So why is there still a huge pocket of fat under my chin?

I have a double chin!

How do you exercise the fat off your face? I am not aware of any face exercises- if there are PLEASE send them to me and my chin.

Great. I’m stuck with a huge goiter under my face.

Why is it that I have a great butt, great legs, okay arms, and I’m not overly fat everywhere else but my upper body and face are fat? I hate it! In almost all the pictures I have this huge roll of fat strapped under my jaw line- do I even have a jaw line anymore? No I don’t! It’s covered in flab!

Ick!

How come I see all those people on TV or larger women in magazines that are way bigger than me, but have no double chin? Is it just me?

I don’t eat like a pig- I don’t eat breakfast, I eat a normal sized lunch, and normally a small dinner. I don’t eat sweets much anymore, and randomly eat fast food but not a lot. What am I doing wrong? I think I eat like a normal person, but why do I store fat in weird places on my body?

Ugh. I need to figure out how to pose for pictures now, so that my chunky double chin is not so prominent. Gee, I can’t wait to see the professional pictures...Not. I was really looking forward to getting those, but now I’m dreading them. Maybe I could pay them extra to airbrush out my double chin! I wonder if I still have time to call them....
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Something to look forward to

February 23
Something to look forward to

I am moving back to Denver in September
Lummox and I have been talking for a while about the thought of me moving back to Denver. If I did I would be moving in with him in Thornton. Eeeeeeeee! Just the thought of that excites me and makes my heart race. The thought of moving in with him and taking it another step forward is so exhilarating to me. We have this incredible dynamic when we are together. The second I saw him when he arrived in Michigan, all the bickering and arguing we had done just evaporated and was gone for good. We are doing well with the long distance thing, but its time to move on from this, because we are fabulous when we are together. I don’t feel complete when we are apart.
I’m so anxious to get back to Colorado; I miss it a lot also. I guess I’m not a Texas girl after all. I miss the snow, and seeing it for the first time in almost 2 years while we were in Michigan made me miss it more! I miss having all four seasons, and since autumn is my favorite month Colorado is the perfect place for fall beauty. Texas is too hot for me, I’m fair skinned and I guess I am more sensitive to the heat than most. I haven’t really felt like I fit in here since I got here in august of ’04. The older you get, the harder it is to make real friends and I have made a couple friends through work- but no one in particular that I’d call a great friend. Mom and Dad have been super; probably the only time I really get out is to go spend time with them. It will be nice to have a companion, to share my time with.
I was talking to my sister on the phone last night and something interesting came up. We are both in long distance relationships now, she is in MI and he is still in school in Dallas, TX. We talked about the possibility that she and I are more used to being apart for longer periods of time because of the way we grew up. I probably have less of a problem with being apart from Lummox than he does, because I am more conditioned to it. Growing up in a NAVY family I guess you get used to the absence of geographical closeness to family and friends since there is constant movement, and dad was always “on cruise” somewhere around the world. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, I for one know that is a very true statement- but I think now I’m at the point where I’ve had enough of the distance.

(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
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(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Monday, February 20, 2006

wedding weekend

A series of fortunate events

Michigan is COLD!
Well, we all got back to our normal lives yesterday. The wedding was a blast, the days before were a little rushed but it is to be expected. Unless you’ve been involved in a wedding, you don’t realize how much detail actually goes into the whole thing. I never imagined what all is involved in planning a wedding, its crazy! Here’s the series of events I went through personally this weekend:
Pick up dress-shoes- accessories- wrap- after alterations have been made
Research speech and quotes for the toast after dinner
Shop for and pack emergency wedding day kit for three bridesmaids-mothers-and bride
Plan bachelorette party-send out invitations-buy gift-buy decorations
Pack clothes and shoes enough for weekend
Take shuttle to airport and get on plane
Austin to Houston to Detroit to Flint to Lapeer
Meet one of the bridesmaids and her mother at airport to be picked up by dad
Check into room
Unpack dress from suitcase because I could not take it onto the plane with me to be hung
Have a beer
Have dinner with Sarah, mom, dad, bridesmaid and her mother
Listen to the thunderstorm outside and have another beer
Go back to room to tie ribbons around 100+ home made CD’s for thank you gifts to guests
Have another beer
Download music player and find music for slideshow
Bed at 2AM after talking to Sarah

Wake at 10am to visit florist with mom, dad, Sarah
Last look at bouquets, corsages, boutonnières, and decorations
Stop at Wal-Mart for frames, candles, and last minute decorations
Go to grooms parents house to load up on decorations for reception and wedding dress
Go to hotel to load up on more decorations
Mom and Sarah off to decorate for reception while dad and I stay at hotel
Try downloading music for slideshow and discover it will not work
Huff and puff
Talk to a lummox on the phone who tells me his plane is delayed an hour
Huff and puff
Have a sandwich with dad
Guests begin arriving and stopping by hotel room to chat
Steam, and iron dress and wrap
Decorate hotel suite for bachelorette party
Stock room with champagne, beer, and snacks
Wrap gift
Dress and do hair and makeup for rehearsal dinner
Go to church for rehearsal and walk through
Drop off dress- shoes- wrap in dressing room of church
Go to restaurant for rehearsal dinner
Chat and meet people
Have glass of wine and take pictures
Sit down for dinner- still no Lummox
Ordering dinner- Lummox calls from hotel
Hand off phone to someone else who knows directions to give Lummox
Eat dinner- drink more wine- wait for Lummox
Toasts- laughter- good food- good wine- slide show
Desert arrives just as Lummox pulls up
Rejoice- run outside with no jacket to greet Lummox
Defrost
Announce the Lummox’s arrival- rejoicing
Introduce Lummox to everyone I could remember the names of
More chatting and wine and desert
Drive away with the Lummox to hotel
Run to hotel room to finish decorating for bachelorette party
Put on pajamas
Chat with guests who begin arriving
Invite Lummox to go hang out with my dad in his hotel room
Pop champagne- throw Mardigras beads at people
Call around to find out where the heck my sister is
Sarah arrives and there is much rejoicing
Champagne- funny gifts- laughter- yawns
People leave and Sarah and I go to bed but don’t go to sleep until 3AM
Somewhere in there I went to the Lummox’s room for a visit

Wedding day:
Wake up 10 AM for shower
Girls get their hair done as I blow out, and straighten my hair for 2 hours
Primp in hotel suite- sip on champagne and OJ
Makeup- jewelry – last minute touches to hair
Leave for church
Put on dress- shoes for photos – primp
Laughter- excitement- tears- mascara- photos
Hang out- more photos- guests begin arriving- heart rate goes up
Lummox arrives in gorgeous suit- drool
Line up for our walk down the isle
Giggle- and whisper- adjust- and primp
The harpist begins music as mothers light the candles
Bridesmaids walk to the front and stand in pre-determined places
Sarah and dad walk down the isle- tears begin
Sarah and Nathan are married- kiss- rejoice!
Follow them down the isle with our best men- and rejoice as the ceremony is closed
Run and hide so that guests do not tackle us
After church is empty more photos
Gather belongings and go outside into the arctic wind for more photos in front of the church
Run to the limousine to defrost
Drink a lot of beer as we drive around wasting time before reception
Laughter- pictures- beer- laughter
Arrive at reception and light sparklers to hold as Sarah and Nathan get out of Limo
Deejay announces our names as we arrive
Sit at head table as the cake is cut
Dinner is served
Dad begins emceeing the evening and begins crying- chain reaction
Hands off microphone to me- a red blabbering crying idiot who can’t talk
My toast is ripped to shreds as I try and find the words I was supposed to say, but instead say something completely different
Cry more- forget to toast- laugh and hug my sister- feel embarrassment
Kick myself as I listen to the best mans toast- calm and collected he was
Drink lots of wine
Take Sarah to the bathroom to hold her dress
Drink lots of wine
Dance with the best man and then the Lummox- sigh- we are good dancers together
Cry with mom as Sarah dances with my dad
Snap lots of pictures
Gather for the bouquet toss- lose it to a jealous amazon woman- huff and puff
Dance a LOT
Drink a LOT
Kiss the Lummox a LOT
Hold sparklers for Sarah and Nathan as they leave
Drive to hotel with the Lummox
Bed at 3AM

Wake at 1045 hung over
Go back to hotel suite to clean up after bachelorette party and messes
Re-Pack and head back to Lummox’s room
Switch hotel rooms
Take a nap
Wake as Lummox gets back from shopping
Lazy day lunch
Gift opening party at grooms parents house
Chili- beer- laughing- gift opening
Back to hotel
A drink with parents and friends
Back to Lummox’s room
Watch a movie- drink some beers- talk- snuggle
Bed at 2AM

Wake late and watch Lummox pack
Get sad
Walk Lummox to front desk and check out of room
Get sadder
Kiss Lummox goodbye
Kiss Lummox goodbye
Kiss Lummox goodbye
Return to mom and dads room
Pack car and check out
Meet Sarah and Nathan in their suite and help them pack
Go to lunch- and say good-bye to the newlyweds
Drive to airport
Get on plane
Lapeer-Flint-Detroit-Memphis- Austin
Wait for parent’s flight to arrive- and wait and wait
Parent’s flight arrives an hour and 15 mins late
Take shuttle to parking lot
Have a burger and fries with mom and dad
Arrive home at midnight
Text message Lummox
Bed

Whew- now I need a vacation!

(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Goin' to the Chapel

February 15
Goin' to the Chapel

I can't believe my sisters wedding is already here!
I think it just hit me- MY SISTER IS GETTING MARRIED THIS WEEKEND!!!!!!!!! Oh mah gaaahhh! I think I've been so busy planning for it, that I haven't stopped to think about it. Cheese and Rice, that snuck up on me fast!
Dad called this afternoon, to tell me they had arrived in Michigan and told me there was a two bag minimum and I would not be able to hang up my dress on the plane- total bummer. Ill have to cram it into my garment bag and have it pressed when I get there. Thank goodness I bought a steamer to bring! I still have some major packing to do- if my laundry ever gets finished.
I dropped Cody off this afternoon at the boarding kennel. He loves going there- and he got so excited when we got there he jumped up on the reception counter with his front paws like he was a little hairy person waiting to sign himself in. He pulled so hard on his leash that he threw up all over the reception area floor too- that was fun. Im sure it happens all the time, so I wasnt embarassed. I didnt get to kiss him goodbye though- he took off with one of the vets as soon as I let go of his leash *sigh* Ill miss him this weekend.
I'm excited to see Lummox, but I just hope he will understand its kind of a family weekend and I may not have the time for him that he wants. It is super great that he is flying in for the wedding though- it means a lot to me and it will mean a ton to my family that he went out of his way to come. A few family friends are coming he will get to meet, and this will be the first time he meets my sister and Nathan! After all these years, hes never met her- thats weird.
I think I'm pretty much ready to go aside from a shower and a little more packing. The Super shuttle will be here at 7:15am tomorrow to take me to the airopuerto. Nails done-check, got my dress and shoes- check, camera and extra memory card- check, warm clothes cause its going to be in the single digits-brrrr, speech ....CRAP! What am I going to say? I need to find some quotes I guess. I think Im going to say "Sarah, my greatest wish for you has always been for you to find happiness. Today that wish has come true. Nathan take care of my little sister. I love you both" That will have to be good enough. Ill probably start wailing and crying anyway. There will be lots of champagne drinking done by yours truly, I can tell you that right now!
Well- Im off to Michigan! See you on Tuesday! I still can't believe my little sister is geting married. Really? Married? Wow.
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Where the heck am I?

Where the heck am I?

The blog is causing controversy in Jenni Land
(and this entry will cause more I’m sure)
First off, I’m getting kind of annoyed right now at people close to me- friends and family- who read my blog. Before I invited anyone I knew into my blog, things were perfect, I could get my feelings out, frustrations and anxieties about my life without worry. Now that my parents are reading, and Lummox reads religiously every day (even reads all the comments I get from readers) I feel like I can’t be myself without hurting someone’s feelings in one way or another. If I write that my parents are embarrassing me- mom gets all up in a tizzy that I’m hurting her “to the soul”. If I write something innocently (innocent in my mind at least) or it is worded in a certain way that can be misinterpreted Lummox gets his feelings crushed and my motives are questioned.

I feel like I’m being backed into a corner and can only write about a specific set of things now. All eyes are on me and I feel pressure. What started out as a place for me to go by myself, a therapeutic place for me to write, has completely changed. It has turned into an uncomfortable place where I feel like I am walking on eggshells to make everyone else happy. Can anyone else tell you that your feelings, good or bad, are wrong?

It is a hard thing to explain to the people you are close to- that you don’t write for anyone but yourself- although it is out there for anyone and everyone in the world to read on the internet. Now I feel like shutting my friends and family off from any access to reading here. I’m even considering an alternate blog altogether to write my real frustrations so they don’t get their feelings hurt- because I can't tell them, especially my parents EVERYTHING that’s on my mind. But the more I try and explain- the more they just don’t understand. Why do I write my personal life for everyone in the world to see, but can’t share these things with them? I don’t write for everyone else, I write for me and only me. I know that sounds selfish- it is what it is.

What happened to this place being mine? It was MY place to go to write my feelings, and if random people wanted to read- great- that doesn’t bother me- I don’t have to see them every day, and feel guilty for writing something because I don’t personally know 99% of my readers. But it does bother me when people I am close to decide to put their two cents in- it changes everything. It changes the whole atmosphere of it being my thoughts on paper, it transforms into a group project and that isn’t what I want- Its mine. Shouldn’t it be that since I am allowing them a glimpse into my life, they should appreciate that for what it is and keep their opinions to themselves? That is how I’m beginning to feel. This is MY place- I don’t care if they look- just don’t touch and don’t make me feel guilty for writing from my heart. I’m not going to censor myself anymore.

I don’t know what to do. I’m stuck in a place I don’t like being. I feel like I can’t do anything right, and I definitely feel like I’m not writing from my true self here anymore because people I am close to are reading. This has become a big dilemma to me. I want my private time back. I don’t know where to go from here- and I hate it.
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

My Favorite Valentine

My Favorite Valentine

February 14, 2006
Dear Daddy,
Eleven years ago today I got a letter from you in the mail. You may not know this but every year since then I get that letter out and read it to myself on Valentines Day. It means so much to me to hear those nice things that you wrote, and to remember that you love me unconditionally and are proud of me.

You have always been the perfect valentine, sending me cards, candy and flowers every year without missing a beat. That makes me know that you are my number one fan, and I wouldn’t want it any other way. I look up to the love you have given to sarah and I , and the way you love mom. Whoever I marry will have a lot to live up to. You have been my guiding light, and have been there for me whenever I have needed you, without question. You are my hero, and will always be my SuperDad. I love you daddy. Happy Valentines Day.






(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. your loving daughter- jenni

Friday, February 10, 2006

Bad boys, bad boys...

Bad boys, bad boys...

Last night I got my very own personal Cops episode! Yay!
I live in the ghetto...okay I’m exaggerating a little. But to be as politically correct as I can, I will say the neighborhood I live in is probably not the safest for a single white girl to be. And I will start out by saying my neighbors are good and nice people. That’s why I still feel a little guilty about calling the cops on one of them last night.

I got into bed at ten-ish and noticed some voices coming from the sidewalk outside. Now, normally I would have just put in earplugs and gone to sleep, but the voices were not just talking in a normal tone. They were yelling. I am not a confrontational person by nature, so it takes a lot for me to go and tell someone to keep it down. Cody was even bothered they were talking so loud. So I took Cody with me and we went into the back yard adjacent to the sidewalk and I yelled to them “Excuse me? Excuse me...can you please keep it down?” I am in my pajamas and it is raining mind you, but I felt safe behind the 6 foot fence. They were still yelling, they just weren’t hearing me. So I moved closer to the fence and yelled again, but this time I made sure it was loud. “Hey!!! Can you guys be quiet? I’m trying to sleep!!!” I could see one of them, through the fence and he seemed agitated, but the voices still did not stop! Maybe since they were talking over me, they just didn’t hear me or care to hear me. So I decided to go back into the house and confront them face to face at my front door. Now I’m fuming. I forget that I’m just in my pajamas, and I flip on the porch light and step out onto my front porch with my arms crossed in my best mad woman position.

“Hey!!!” I yelled again...this time louder than I think I’ve heard myself before....
Now, in my mind there are three guys out on the sidewalk talking. What I found was frightening. The voices were coming from the mouth of ONE very large, very strung out man with no shirt and no shoes out in the cold rain. He was moving back and forth from my front lawn to the sidewalk speaking in tongues. His body seemed to move in ways not natural to the human body, contorting, and twitching faster than it took my brain to realize he was probably on drugs.

When he finally heard me after the third or fourth scream from me, he stood upright suddenly from his bizarre crooked posture and looked right at me in silence. His eyes were pitch black, and glassy, the stare sent chills through my soul.
“Praise Jesus....” he sighed in one huge breath, and placed the palms of his hands together.

It was then I decided it was probably not a good idea to be outside in my pajamas with this man. I wasn’t there to save him, and I sure as heck did not want him thinking I was going to. As I finished locking all the bolts on my front door I could hear him continue his mad ranting and strange tweaking dance in my front yard. I decided I needed to call the police.

Now girls- listen to me- find out the number to your local sheriffs dispatch, or the local non- emergency line and write it somewhere you can find it when you need it. I wasn’t in my calm, collected mind and I could not for the life of me find that number last night! I got on the phone immediately to my safe place- My Lummox. Thank god for him, I think I might have gone crazy if it weren’t for his composure, he looked up the number on the internet. Why I couldn’t think of that instead of sifting through the yellow pages is beyond me, but I was a little bit freaked out.
I got the number and called, explaining there was a crazy person on my front lawn and to send a car by immediately. I went and sat on my stairs and watched out the front window while I called Lummox back. He kept me calm while I watched mister peculiar get into a car that had been parked nearby. It was raining out and the man, who apparently had the keys to the car, got in and opened the sunroof and rolled down all the windows. I could see his hands jump out of the sunroof waving every so often, and could see that he was still jerking and twitching around as he sat in the car.

Finally about ten minutes later a police car drove by shining a bright light around the area, and then another police car came in. Good. Still on the phone with Lummox, I went upstairs to get a sweatshirt incase the cops wanted me to come out or talk to me. From my bedroom window I could see the whole thing, and decided to stay there to watch. The man was still in his car, with the seat leaned all the way back and appeared to be passed out or sleeping. Three police officers were around the car, shining their flashlights in on him and yelling for him to tell them his name. He did not respond, and was finally motionless for a few seconds.

Suddenly he bolted upright and the police officers jumped back and guns were drawn as the man continued his contortions in the car for them. At the second he jolted awake his hands went up and out of the sunroof again, and something was thrown from the car. They got him calmed down and began searching his car. They found a gun under the passenger side seat that was placed on the roof of the car by one of the officers, and some drug paraphernalia. He was cuffed and arrested while the officers talked to some of my neighbors, and searched the lawn for what he had thrown. And still on the phone with Lummox, I’m describing the whole scene. The police asked my neighbors to move the car off the street, so they must have known him. The whole thing from start to finish happened so quickly, probably about 45 minutes. I was happy the police responded so quickly and efficiently. That makes me feel a little safer.

Lummox was so great, and kept me calm through the whole thing and afterwards for a while so I could calm my nerves. He made me feel so much better. I love him.
For the rest of the night, instead of having to listen to a crazy man’s angry outbursts- it was traded for the sound of an engine that just would not turn over. I finally put earplugs in at 1:30am and went to sleep. The man’s car was gone this morning so they must have gotten the engine fixed sometime in the night. I’m not sure what noise was more annoying, but I finally felt safe.
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Thursday, February 09, 2006

I've been Crowned

I've been Crowned

I need your help
Since I've been crowned Maid of Honor by my loving sister for her wedding on the 18th, I have a certain set of duties. To organize her bachelorette party, to keep everything running smoothly on the wedding day, to create a wedding day emergency kit, and the one I'm most scared of is the toast. I have no idea what to say! She is my sister and I love her and all that mushy stuff, but I want to keep it short and sweeet because I hate being in the spotlight. I have never been good at speeches, even in front of people I've been around for most of my life! I have absolutely no clue what to say. I've been to many weddings, but the maid of honor is always a best friend who rambles on and on about their friendship, and I don't want to do that. I need a great couple of sentences that are short but enough to bring a tear to her eye and a smile to everyones face. Can you guys help me? I need some ideas.
ps- thanks for the encouragement in my embarassing time of need from yesterday. I have added a comment to the entry in regards to a couple of your suggestions. Thanks a bunch you guys! You all rock!
off to shop for the wedding day emergency kit!
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Oh the horror of it all

Oh the horror of it all

I just want to die.
Thank god there wasn’t more alcohol in my house last night when I got home to hide from the embarrassment I had just endured. One beer just didn’t seem like it was enough, but it would have to do. Let me explain.
I know my parents love me, don’t get me wrong, they are entitled to that. But do they have to share every bit of my personal life with their friends???!!!! My mother is best friends with her neighbors, one of them just so happens to be MY BOSS. Great. This makes for some pretty uncomfortable situations at work when my personal life comes into play. Mom will say something and suddenly the topic at work is “oh Jenni has a boyfriend?” which, I will admit, is much more comfortable to talk about than the year I was single when everyone was trying to hook me up left and right. Yesterday was one of those days I just wanted to crawl under my desk in humiliation.
The day started out great, good comments on my blog here at the Jenni Chronicles, and I noticed a couple of hits from the link on my art blog. So someone had been reading my entries here, and had come from my art blog- fine. Then I started to wonder who was reading all of my entries yesterday- someone was reading from the beginning- and I was fine with that too. And then the horror began.
My boss walks into my office and tells me “..so I saw your little website today..”
That was unpleasant.
If you had a camera on me at that moment I would pay top dollar for the footage.
“...your parents sent me and (her husband) the link...”
I could feel the blood rush to my cheeks, and my pupils dilated as I tried to find my voice.
What site? I asked her.
Your pictures and stuff, she replied.
OMG.

Suddenly I was reduced to a seven year old standing in the kitchen with one of my moms friends commenting on the finger painting stuck to the fridge with alphabet magnets. I was mortified. I literally felt like shrinking away into the corner.
Ugh...why do my parents do these things to me? What are they thinking? I know they are proud, and wanted to gush to everyone about the art I have displayed there, but they don’t understand she is my boss. They probably weren’t thinking. My professional integrity is on the line, and I really don’t like being put on display, especially at work. Being put on exhibit to people who don’t know me, is fine- I don’t have to face them every day- but your boss reading every aspect of your personal life? -There is a huge difference there.
I took the link off the art blog, so hopefully if they were linking here, they won’t anymore...please god I hope they haven’t read more than they should have. It took me a really long time to brave up to putting my art online for public viewing because one bad critique would kill me. I almost pulled it last night after the comment from my boss. I don’t know when I will get over the embarrassment of this but what am I supposed to do now?
(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni the humiliated

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

Is it cold in here, or is it just me?

February 02
Is it cold in here, or is it just me?

It’s hard dating your best friend

I will be the first to admit that it is hard. You know people always tell you, find your best friend and marry them. And I am still all for it, since I am doing just that- minus the marrying part yet anyway. But I will tell you it takes a lot of work, just like any other relationship does, this is just a little different.

Before, when we were just friends, I would go to him when I was arguing with my boyfriend, to get another point of view. What do I do now? If I get into a little tiff with him, and I say to myself- he isn’t getting me, I need to talk to my best friend- oh wait, it’s the same person now and I can’t get an outsiders view on things anymore. I mean I have friends I could talk to about things, but it isn’t the same as telling him- my best friend- because he gets me. It’s all so confusing! I’m sure he feels a little of the same way.

I do find myself in a strange place though, if we argue I suddenly begin building this icy wall around me. I don’t know where that comes from- in the relationship with him I’ve never done that before, before when we were just friends. Its not that I’m pulling away from him at all, it’s like a protection from myself. If I step back and shut up, I can’t make things worse. And I know that is totally wrong of me, but that’s what has been happening. Suddenly the last few days I’ve been the ice queen, cold and distant, and I know he’s noticed. I don’t know what to do to get out of the wall though. I think I’m waiting for him to tell me everything is okay. It’s not a situation of anger, and I know he isn’t mad in any way towards me- it’s more like he has been fumbling in his confidence lately- and that makes me feel stuck.

How do you convince someone that you love them unconditionally when they constantly question things? I don’t know what to do in that situation, for some reason it stops me in my tracks and I freeze up! I’m afraid that I will say the wrong thing, because this is the one relationship I definitely do not want to ruin, so it ends up with me being short or quiet so he can’t read between lines that aren’t there. And again, I know that is wrong of me, I just don’t know how to fix it.

(¯`v´¯)
`*.¸.*´
¸.•´¸.•*¨) ¸.•*¨)
(¸.•´ (¸.•´ .•´ ¸¸.•¨¯`•. jenni